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An Intimacy with God

I love the fact that whenever things seems to hard in my life to deal with I always have to rely on God to support me but annoyed with the old cliché that when things are going well this glory is never, well rarely given back to God. Recently this has been amazingly highlighted within my life, as things are hard for me I forget all that is good in my life (which is really a lot) and also through out the process I currently feel Gods healing presence yet I chose to stay in this place in order to just fill the sense of a need to be in sadness. Is this because I want to have a dependence on God or merely want to put myself through the worst that I think I need to endure or deserve? (Unfortunately I think its more the latter)

What does it mean to have a true intimacy and dependence on God? its obvious that a large par of this is about being open and honest with God and allowing him to penetrate deeper into every aspect of life, and although I know that his interest in us goes deeper than a longing for our love and more like a desperate desire to have our hearts I often think that when I am in a stage like this he must get bored with my incessant routine and going round things in circles.

Yesterday was a real turning point for me, after hearing some (more) slightly soul destroying news I knew that merely praying or crying as the case may have been there needed to be more. I needed to find out more about God and so with a sudden urge I went out and to the woods in search for somewhere hidden where I could be alone with God. I just needed to feel surrounded by God I took my bible my mp3 and some of the books Ive been reading lately and just sat being romanced and seeking his answers, I have to say after a long time I felt ready. God had spoken to me, but in nothing dramatic more a subtle reassurance that he did care about all the little things and that he would always be there to pick me up no matter how menial this may seem.

A true intimacy with God seems to be a flawed but walking prayer one that has many pitfalls but carries on learning and searching desperately for the heart of God.

Falls Down - song

Verse

I feel shattered, empty and broken
And all of the things I thought were true seem so wrong
Like, you were just playing along.

I used to think of you like my centre
Supporting me when things all just fell apart
But, I guess Im back to the start.

Chorus

And you know it always falls down
It always falls down
It always falls down
Always falls down, until you pick me up
God you need to pick me up

Verse

Replaced is an ugly feeling to deal with
And deep down I know this isnt the way it seems
But, I just cant break out the routine.

And time seems so long just staying in sadness
And all of our friends have to merely endure the show
There not sure where they should go.

Chorus

Verse

But I know Im strong in spite of my failings
And I know I can get through this time of growth
Coz Ive got that hope

And although this journey seems like a long one
I know I will get over you
Just like you have seemed to.

Final Chorus

Coz as it always falls down
It seems to always fall down
It always falls down
It always falls down
And then God you pick me up
I trust you to pick me up

Yer you pick me up
God you got to pick me up.

End