Aerial View US Election 2008 Special
By Patrick Cullen


Welcome to you all from Washington DC as Aerial View’s American cousin, Randy View III brings y’all all the latest news stateside from the US election. That may have been just a wee bit of what Hilary Clinton calls a mistruth. If you substitute ‘my living room’ for Washington DC and ‘Randy View III’ for a slightly bloodshot eyed Aerial View you are probably a bit closer to the truth. Welcome to Aerial View’s bleary eyed, sleep deprived diary, the blog with more insight in it’s little finger than UTV Live has managed in it’s entire existence. Hunkered down in what I like to call ‘the Situation Bunker’ although it does look remarkably like my living room, we’ve got the Sky Knowledge package, enough snacks to feed all the early voters in Virginia, Aerial View junior’s Spiderman quilt and a broadband connection that refuses to work (yeah, I know I was taken in by the mobile broadband adverts). It’s time for a pretty momentous election whatever the result and besides American politics is way, way sexier than our own home grown variety. For one it’s a flashier, bigger budget kettle of fish altogether this year providing a choice between a black, liberal senator with more than a touch of the JFK’s about him against an old school, conservative maverick. More to the point they don’t have Sammy Wilson or Catriona Ruane.

2330 - Turn over to CNN and the magnificently named Wolf Blitzer. Wolf looks like he should be waterboarding Al Qaeda suspects in 24, but he’s on my telly talking to a bunch of people with laptops who look like they’ve escaped from an accountant’s Christmas party. Still too early to read anything significant from the numbers but Obama seems to be leading in Indiana by 5 points while predictably enough they have McCain leading by 35 in Kentucky.

2340 - Fox News seems weirdly sober by it’s usual hilariously OTT standards. A man called Brit resembling a wax work with a side parting has just argued that McCain might lose because Iraq has gone so well, that the war isn’t an issue anymore. Doesn’t really need much more comment that one does it?

2350 - Julian Simmonds must have busy because ITV have Alastair ‘Charisma’ Stewart anchoring in London. Somehow managed to mention ‘razzmatazz’ 5 times within opening 4 minutes. Jeremy Vine over on BBC1 is playing with his new touch screen map while not saying a whole lot, does look cool though.

0000 - Polls close in Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, South Carolina, Vermont and Virginia. Safe states gone first, Kentucky gone to McCain while Vermont goes to Obama, pretty predictable stuff really. Fox actually have a reporter called Major Garrett, google him, not a real Major. ITV hinting that Obama may take Virginia.

0015 - Fred Barnes calls absentee and early voters a ‘bunch of wimps’ on Fox, then remembers that he had a postal vote. Fox News managing to be way funnier than Jon Culshaw (you know, Rory Bremner only rubbish) and Charisma Stewart on ITV. Problem is this is during their ‘totally unscripted’ funny bit.

0030 - Ohio, West Virginia and North Carolina polls close. Ooh, ooh CNN reporting that Florida looks slightly strange, numbers not adding up, that’s never happened before has it?
Fox called West Virginia for McCain, everybody else says it’s too early.

0050 - BBC projects South Carolina for McCain, shock horror, Karl Rove seems to be conceding that Obama might take Florida on Fox, while West Virginia is probably McCain.

0100 - Alabama, Connecticut, Columbia, Delaware, Florida, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Pennsylvania all close. Obama has Connecticut, Obama seems to have taken Pennsylvania, McCain really needs Florida, Ohio, Virginia and Indiana to stay in the game now. ITV reporting that McCain is getting it tight at home in Arizona. Obama has taken Connecticut, Distri

Confessions of a Learner Driver

Patrick Cullen

The longer I’ve been driving it seems that parts of it are started to feel like they are becoming more or less routine, or at least there are until you stall again. It’s almost as if you are able to do things without having to think about them anymore. It seems so long ago since I started learning to drive and I definitely feel that I have some of the more technical aspects cracked. For weeks it seemed that finding the biting point or turning into a junction was the most nerve shredding, most difficult thing to do in the world. It used to take every ounce of sweaty, sweary concentration to pull off the simplest turn, never mind looking around to check the road. At this stage with the actual nuts and bolts being more or less instinctive, it gives me a chance to get the observation side of things under control. Early in my driving education, while I was being taught about observing the road, I had Lloyd there to make sure I didn’t actually drive into anything while getting my clutch control, under well, control.
Unfortunately none of this can account for common or garden stupidity. I had driven in and out of Gortalowry Park three or four times last Thursday morning, each time onto a quiet road. On the fourth occasion I managed to become sloppy and pulled out rather too quickly, allowing myself only a cursory pause at the stop sign. Unfortunately, this was just as a rather large lorry was steaming down the road. I’m pleased to report that Corsa’s can accelerate pretty quickly and that Lloyd did eventually turn back to his normal colour. However the whole incident did bring home to me how dangerous driving actually is. How many times have you driven on the Dungannon Road and witnessed someone driving like a moron and putting everyone else at risk? I’ve seen that happen virtually every time I’ve been on that road and for about 30 seconds I was that careless moron and it wasn’t fun. Playing chicken with 40 tonne vehicles aside, we spent most of the lesson concentrating on parallel parking. I have the theory down by now; in fact I can bore my friends for Europe on the subject. It’s simply a matter of reversing until parallel with a parked car, turning the car until its facing 2 o’clock, then turning the car until it’s at full steering lock and reversing into the space. It took more attempts than I care to remember to do it perfectly, but when it finally clicked it felt as good as discovering that your football team has been bought by an oil-rich Middle-Eastern state (yes, I do support Man City). So this week I managed to iron out a few kinks that needed unkinking, while giving myself a valuable lesson on why stop signs were invented.
Patrick is learning to drive with Lloyd’s School of Motoring. Call 07711933727 or visit www.lloydsmotoring.co.uk if you are ready to take the plunge.

www.midulstermail.co.uk

Confessions of A Learner Driver


Ever since I was a kid, my favourite footballers were always artists. My heroes were George Best, Diego Maradona, Georgi Kindladze, Rodney Marsh; it was the players who made it look effortless that I idolised. Over the past few months though, I’ve discovered that driving is not an art, it’s a science and if you ask any of my old teachers; that ain’t my strong suit. Not being particularly naturally talented at the whole driving thing, it looks like it’s going to be constant repetition and commitment that will get me through the test. Or to stretch the football analogy to breaking point; I’m going to have to be more John Terry than Ronaldinho.
It was during my last lesson that this finally dawned on me. I was attempting to parallel park and it was like my driving epiphany. I reversed until I was parallel (obviously enough) with the car I was parking behind and because Lloyd had broken the manoeuvre into steps; I knew that I had to steer the car until it was at 2 o’clock, then take the steering lock off as I reversed into the space until, gradually the car was straight. Easy! Or rather it was after three attempts. That’s how long it took to get it right, but rather than panicking and stressing out like I would usually do, I just kept on following the steps until I got it right.
It was the same story with reversing around a corner. Instead of rearing backwards like a bear with a hernia and blindly steering (and swearing), I followed a step by step process and it paid dividends, even my turn in the road returned to something approaching past glories. It seems that all the constant practicing, sweating, cursing and Lloyd’s patient cajoling of the past months is starting to bear fruit. I haven’t even had to mention driving around town, because to be quite honest nothing eventful really happened, which for me is very definite progress. It was at the end of the lesson that Lloyd pointed out I hadn’t stalled once during this lesson. Usually, even a pretty successful lesson involves at least one false start at traffic lights or a sticky moment at a junction but hopefully we’ve managed to iron that out. Either that or it is wearing trainers rather than work shoes that is the key to finding (and keeping) and the biting point (Of course I like to think it is my Lewis Hamilton esque driving technique, eh Lloyd?). I am really starting to understand why people enjoy driving so much, on a lesson a couple of weeks ago it all fell into place. We drove down the Lissan Road, roared up a steep hill and tore along a windy, bumpy country road (all at legal speeds of course kids!); it was most fun I’ve had since we hid the lab rats in 5th year RE class (definitely as much fun as it sounds!).

Patrick is learning to drive with Lloyd’s School of Motoring. Call 07711 933 727 or visit www.lloydsmotoring.co.uk