Even though I’m dead, I’m feeling really alive. When we got that strange red rock I didn’t want to do anything with it. I was so scared of what it might mean. But now all it did was bring back those horrible memories. And I think I’m ok with living with them. So long as I keep busy. That strange woman said we were all lucky. And I think in a strange way I understand her. Aside from when I actually have to deal with this face to face I can not think about it. I have so much here to keep me busy. Though the zombies keep coming… they killed those other girls. I wonder if I’m actually ok, or whether I’m just really good at lying to myself.

I’m so worried right now. For everything and everyone in my life. But most of all Carrie and Paul. If anything happened to my little brother and sister I’d never forgive myself. Every night whilst I wait to see if I am called up for this monstrous act, I sit by them, watching them sleep. I feel so trapped by all of this. I want to escape. But if I did then I would die and I wouldn’t be able to look after Carrie and Paul. I can’t cope with thinking about it. I just have to strive on as best I can. Any time I don’t have to deal face to face with it, I’ll just act like normal. For everyone else’s sake. Even if I’m falling apart inside, I have to be strong for my family at least. They need me.