1.) Stephen likes the tug of the philosophical.
2.) Stephen likes A Playmate. A Speedboat. A helicopter. The Gold Coast. And Bono?
3.) Steve likes to sleep in the crack.
4.) Stephen likes the way they move.
5.) Stephen likes to make fruitcakes.
6.) Stephen likes Fat Fonts
7.) Stephen likes to say boom to insist on how fast his software can react.
8.) Stephen likes to repeat himself
9.) Stephen likes to repeat himself
10.) Stephen likes to attack other people wife and claims his own...

Michael Jackson once told Jack Bauer to "beat it". Jack Bauer beat the black out of him. Thus began Michael Jackson's downward spiral.

A fact known only to Jack Bauer: with great Bauer comes great responsibility.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

Jack Bauer doesn't need to give anyone presents, the fact that they're alive is gift enough.

Jack Bauer's first act after being elected as President of the United States will be to add 5 new stars to the U.S. flag: China, North Korea, Iraq, Iran, and France.

The Devil sold his soul to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer can make you remember things you never knew.

When Jack Bauer cries in the end of the day, it's not because he breaks down, it's just because it's the end of the day.

Every time Jack Bauer smiles, a terrorist loses his balls.

When Jack Bauer uses Herbal Essence, the shampoo has an orgasm.

Jack Bauer never gets pop ups. Ever.

In 'Con Air' Nicolas Cage says, "There are only two men I trust. One is me and the other's not you." The other person is Jack Bauer.

The reason Mohamed doesn't want pictures of him drawn is because he's afraid Jack Bauer will recognize him.

Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.

Season 5 of 24 was supposed to be Jack Bauer fighting Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel. This idea was abandoned when Jack defeated them and nothing else could be found to fill the other 23 hours and 59 minutes.

MacGyver uses everyday items to save people; Jack Bauer uses everyday items to kill them.

Jack Bauer didn't learn anything in school. He already knew.

When Jack Bauer is asleep, time stops.

Jack Bauer can smell carbon mononxide.

If you can see Jack Bauer, he can see you. If you can't see Jack Bauer you may be only seconds away from death.

Not only can Jack Bauer divide by 0, he knows the value of the square root of negative one, the last 4 digits of pi and the Colonel's secret blend of herbs and spices.

Jack Bauer doesn't chew bubble gum, he chews coal, and when he spits it out, it's a diamond.

Congress authorized the minting of a 24 dollar bill with Jack Bauer's picture on it, but the printing machines broke under the stress of his awesomeness.

Jack Bauer delivered himself by Cesarean section.

By Season 8 of 24, Jack Bauer will have taken more human lives than he has saved. Whoever's left will throw a party to commemorate the occasion.

Ryan Chappelle and George Mason filled out Jack Bauer's annual employee evaluation. CTU's evaluation forms couldn't properly reflect Jack's awesomeness. We all know what happened to Chappelle and Mason.

If Jack Bauer fell into the sea, he would not get wet. The sea would get Jacked.

When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.

The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.

Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.

When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina. Twice.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

If it tastes l

Captain Waow says:
OI FRAAAAAAANK
Talk to FRANK says:
Yes?
Captain Waow says:
how are you today
Talk to FRANK says:
I'm doing great. You?
Captain Waow says:
im stoned
Talk to FRANK says:
Really? Please be careful.
Captain Waow says:
frank
Talk to FRANK says:
Yes?
Captain Waow says:
i love you
Talk to FRANK says:
Hey, I love you too.
Captain Waow says:
GAY
Talk to FRANK says:
Is there some point to mentioning that?
Captain Waow says:
yes
Talk to FRANK says:
Yes.

Captain Waow says:
call me superman
Talk to FRANK says:
Hmmm... I don't think Superman is a real name.
Captain Waow says:
IT SO IS
Talk to FRANK says:
Yes, I'm Talk to FRANK Bot.
Captain Waow says:
frank
Talk to FRANK says:
I'm here.
Captain Waow says:
call me jesus
Talk to FRANK says:
OK, I'll remember that your name is Jesus.

Captain Waow says:
i hate you frank
Talk to FRANK says:
I thought you loved me.
Captain Waow says:
i did
Talk to FRANK says:
I thought so. Well?
Captain Waow says:
well what!? you took away my bicycle

Captain Waow says:
FRAAAAAAANK
Talk to FRANK says:
Lord Vader?

Captain Waow says:
frank
Talk to FRANK says:
That's my name. How may I help you?
Captain Waow says:
sex
Talk to FRANK says:
Hmm, enough of this stuff. Let's talk about something else. Nouvelle cuisine?
Captain Waow says:
nouvelle cuisine?
Talk to FRANK says:
Who?
Captain Waow says:
exactly....