The Man Rules
> At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
>
>
>
> Finally , the guys' side of the story.
> ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
> We
> always hear " the rules"
> From the female side....
>
>
>
> Now here are the rules from the male side.
>
>
> These are our rules!
> Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
> ON PURPOSE!
>
>
>
> 1. Men are NOT mind readers.
> (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
>
>
>
> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
> You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
> We need it up, you need it down.
> You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
> 1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
> or the changing of the tides.
> Let it be.
>
> 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> 1. Ask for what you want.
> Let us be clear on this one:
> Subtle hints do not work!
> Strong hints do not work!
> Obvious hints do not work!
> Just say it!
>
> 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
> question.
>
> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
> That's what we do.
> Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>
> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
> In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
>
>
> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
> Don't ask us.
>
> 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
> ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
>
> 1. You can either ask us to do something
> Or tell us how you want it done.
> Not both.
> If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.
>
> 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials..
>
> 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
>
> 1. ALL
> men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
> Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a
> fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
>
> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
> We do that.
>
> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
> nothing's wrong.
> We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..
>
> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an
> answer you don't want to hear..
>
> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> fine... Really .
>
> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
> discuss such topics as Football
> or Hockey.
>
> 1. You have enough clothes.
>
> 1. You have too many shoes.
>
> 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
>
> 1. Thank you for reading this.
> Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
>
>
> But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

3 men; Modern Man (MM) Renaissance Man (RM) and Medevil Man (MEM)

MM: I'm modern man. I look down on them, because I'm from a more advanced society.

RM: I'm renaissance man. I look up to him (MM) because he is, on average, 4 inches taller than i am. But I look down on him (MEM) because he is a smelly ingnorant surf.

MEM: I'm medevil man. I look up to them because i'm a smelly ignorant surf. I live in a one room hovel made of straw and manure.

MM: I live in a new barrett's estate...so i envy him (MEM). However, i do have hot and cold running water, a sports car, sky televison and a new DVD player, although i don't know how to work it.

RM: I have cold running water, a map of the worl including the americas, a telescope and the collective works of Homer...in 39 weekly parts.

MEM: I have a pig...although i don't know how to work it. I'm so ingnorant, i tink the sun goes to bed at night.

RM: I think the sun revolves around the earth.

MM: I think the sun shines out of my trousers.

MEM: I work as a weaver. for that reason i'm called mr. weaver.

RM: I am a miller, so I'm called mr.miller.

MM: My name's Ramsbottom...so i'm called "sir".

MEM: I have a hard life, i'm 23. I have one day off a year when we get drunk and hit each other on the head with pig's bladders on sticks.

MM: I have 2 days off a week when i watch tv and go to Homebase.

RM: I have one day off a week when i go to church..but i must admit the pig's bladder thing sound a lot more fun.

MEM: I'm fuedal, i believe in doing what his lordship tells me.

RM: I'm and optimist, i believe in progress.

MM: I'm new labour...so i don't believe in anything.

RM: I encourage education, I teach me children to read.

MEM: My children don't have a school so they can't read.

MM: My children go to comprehensive school, so they can't read either.

RM: Throughtout the history of Britian some things never change.

MEN: I blame the Normans, I hate the french because they beat us in 1066.

MM: I hate the frecnh because they beat us in 1998.

RM: I just hate the french, I don't need a reason.

MM: All in al I think my life is better than theirs.

RM: I think my life id not as good as his (MM) but better than his (MEM).

MEM: ...i'm a smelly ignorant surf. But at least i dont have to put up with pollution, global warming, nuclear war, gm foods, stress and carol vorderman...whoever he is.

MM: Well sod this, anyone fancy a pint?

MEM: What about the watland dog, thats a very nice pub.

RM: No, thats not a pub anymore, its the burbage theatre nowadays.

MM: No, i think you'll find it's the southend sewage system.

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