By Jenna Glatzer


Boyfriending should come with a manual — and a test. If you get a passing score, you are granted a girlfriend. If you score in the 90% percent region, you get a really good girlfriend. And if you fail? No girlfriend for you.

In the interest of giving you a leg up in case such a test is ever invented, here are 10 essentials that you should know if you intend to settle down with a girlfriend.

1. Remember her mum's birthday.
Any bloke can manage not to forget his girlfriend's birthday, but if you show up with flowers for her mum, she's yours.

2. Make stuff look difficult.
If she asks for your help opening a jar because she's already turned her whole body red trying to get it to budge, at least make it look like it's a little challenging when you pop it open in two seconds flat after she just struggled with it for 10 minutes, she may not appreciate your macho grin.

3. Always compare favourably.
The time will come when you will watch a film together and she will turn to you and say, "I think Halle Berry is so pretty ... don't you?" This is a trick! There is but one proper response, and it goes like this: "She's okay, but you blow her away." See? I even made it rhyme so it'd be easy to remember.

4. Act disgusted.
When you hear that a rich old man has left his wife for an young model, under no circumstances should the phrase "Nice one!" leave your mouth in her presence. Feigned horror and " cradle snatching" sentiments are your best options.

5. Wash your stinky feet.
Don't wait for her to turn green.

6. Put down the remote.
If you flip channels while she's discussing her deep feelings, this is a dead giveaway that you're not listening. No good can come of this. It's better to just nod a lot, occasionally say "I completely agree with you," and wait for her to exhaust herself.

7. Using the phone doesn't make you a loser.
When you're out with your mates and it becomes clear that she shouldn't wait up for you, suck up your pride, endure the "ball and chain" remarks, and remember that the guys' legs are considerably less smooth when wrapped around you than your girlfriend's. Call her.

8. Go hairless.
Some areas are more beautiful when they're bald. These include your back, nose, ears, neck and unibrow.

9. Ease up on the figures.
If you're dating a woman and you both don't mind splitting restaurant bills, fine. But if you break out a calculator to make sure it's exactly equal, try to determine who ate what portion of what, or agree to "lend" her money to pay the tip, do not pass go: Go directly to No-Girlfriend Land.

10. If you love her, tell her.
Again and again. Don't assume that you can just tell her once and she'll believe it's true until you tell her otherwise. There are two things a woman never gets sick of hearing: "I love you" and "Your butt looks amazing." Sprinkle both into your conversations liberally.

The virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come

over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and

make love

for the first time.
* * * * * * * * *
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

what do the majority of people in your life call you?
Kitty

Is something bothering you right now?
yes

Have you ever walked on the beach at night​ ?
no but would love 2

When do you plan on having kids?​
dunno

If you're in a bad mood who do you talk to?
No-1

Do you know how to change a diaper?
yup

When is your birthday?
26 Jan

Do you do your own laundry?
occasionally

Baths or showers?​
hmm depends on my mood but showers!

What's the worst part about being single?​
dunno it rocks

What are you going to do tomorrow?​
college then take skakin videos

Do you hate when people smoke around you?
not bothered

Do you have any bruises?
a lot

Are you mean?
when u deserve it

Play any sports?​
nup

Do you hate anyone at the moment?​
yes

Do you tan a lot?
no am bringin the lobster look in

Have any pets?​
1 snake 1 hamster, 3 cats 1 dog

Favorite food?​
pizza

Do you regret anything from your past?​
not a lot

Do you have piercings?​
17

Want any more?
probs

Can you spell well?​
pwetty well

What are you craving right now?
chocolate

What is your favorite color​ ?
dark purple

Do you have trust issues?​
cant trust ppl as far as a can spit, I cant spit. so yes

Wheres your favorite place to be ?
catty the now

Do you play the Wii?
HELL YES

Can you keep white shoes clean?
4 like a month

Do you like the outside?​
yes

Would you change your name?​
2 Kitty yes

What was the highlight of your day?
goin home early from work =3

What are you doing this coming weekend?​
relaxin at me dads

What are you doing tonight?
not much

What is on your bed right​ now?
zippy, 2 quilts an ma cat

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
no, he doesn't no how much he is hurtin me right now

You're really upset; who is the first guy you go to?
none, they never around when a need them

Are you in a good mood right now?
yup

Do you have a crush on anyone?​
yuppers

Anyone like you?
yup

The phone rings what would you say?
ooo phone call!

Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?​
dont like water

Have you ever had a garage sale?
nup

What colour is your iPod?
black

What is the last drink you drank?
coca cola

Last time you were sick?
2 weeks ago, I prayed 2 the pot god

How long is your hair?
3/4 way down ma bk

What did you say last?
hmm

Who came over last?
Ma cousin

Do you drink beer?
when am drunk

What is in your pocket?
change

What DVD is in your DVD player?
Sailor moon super s movie

What's something fun you did today?
danced in work when no1 was lookin

What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"?
Kitty Kat?!

What are you listening to right now?
The boys and girls of rock and roll - Alvin and the chipmunks & the Chipettes

What have you had to drink so far today?
Coca cola

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
Primark!

What are you going to do after this?
Do another quiz probs

What is something you need to go shopping for?
Stuff 4 my hamster

What is your favourite kind of gum?
Spearmint

Do you have any tan lines?
Wot eva!

When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout?
not really, its annoying if you dont do as it tells you

Has anyone ever sang to you?
Not really would love it tho!

Has anyone ever given you roses?
no, wish some1 would tho! XD