Hello kiddies, how the fuck are ya?

As Chopper Read says, "right around Australia, people are havin' a whinge, havin' a sook, or having a fuckin' cry about it. If the ANZACS were around today, they'd be fuckin' spewing."

Unless you own a pig-dog, sleep with your hunting knife, and are willing to chop off your own arm in a dare, it's time to harden the F*CK up Australia!

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Strongly discouraged behaviours:

Owning a shiny, fancy 4WD and not knowing how to change a tyre. Harden the FUCK up!

Drinking soy milk in your coffee. Try a muggaccino of harden the FUCK up!

Taking your dog to a psychiatrist. Doctor Chopper prescribes you harden the FUCK up!

Having a name like Stefan. Harden the FUCK up Stefan!

Not going on a holiday without taking your portable gaming console. Harden the FUCK up!

Spend an hour a day doing your hair and working as a DJ. Ha-ha-ha-harden the FUCK up!

Pulling the gherkins out of Macca’s burgers. Harden the McFUCK up!

Seeing the doctor when you have a common cold. Doctor Chopper prescribes you a second dose of harden the FUCK up!

Ordering soup and sparkling mineral water for dinner at La Porchetta. Waiter, an entrée size of harden the FUCK up, please!

Spending more time talking to people on Facebook than talking to people in real life. Harden the FUCK up!

Guys – Using cheesy pickup lines and lame compliments to score with a girl, and then whingeing when it doesn’t work. “When you return to heaven could you tell God to make me harden the FUCK up!?”

Girls – throwing mixed signal after mixed signal and then whingeing to your friends when the guy doesn’t make a move. Harden the FUCK up, princess!

Refusing to go camping because of bugs, weather and the lack of a sparkling clean bathroom. Harden the FUCK up!

Crying and moping when you find out your crush doesn’t like you back. Harden the FUCK up!

Driving to shops that are 5 minutes walking distance away because it’s too cold/hot. Harden the FUCK up!

Avoiding eye contact by wearing dark sunglasses inside. Unless you’re blind, harden the FUCK up!

Guys – going shopping with your GF for longer than two hours. Does this dress come in the size, “Harden the FUCK up!?”

Refusing to learn how to drive a manual car because it’s ‘too hard’. Harden the FUCK up!

Caring what others think about you. Harden the FUCK up!

Bitching about having lost money in the sharemarket crash even though you understood the risks. Harden the FUCK up investment wanker!

Enjoying lowbrow reality TV like Big Brother. Big Chopper says, “Harden the FUCK up!”

Giving up after one lesson/attempt. Harden the FUCK up!

Guys – getting yourself a facial, even when it’s complimentary. Harden the FUCK up!

Collapsing with exhaustion after 2 minutes on the treadmill/X-trainer/bike. Harden the FUCK up!

Playing a Level 50 wizard on World of Warcraft, or however the fuck that game works. Hrd3n teh fuk up l33t!

Counting your own carbs and calories on a daily basis. Try counting the number of times you should harden the FUCK up!

Leaving a party before midnight. Harden the FUCK up!

Kissing your boss’ arse just to get that payrise/promotion. Meeting in the boardroom about hardening the FUCK up!

Being too afraid to approach that cute girl/guy. Harden the FUCK up!

Wearing a helmet when playing footy or wearing kneepads and elbowpads when playing basketball/netball. Harden the FUCK up!

Buying a big, fancy sports car just to compensate for something that is obviously not so big and not so fancy. Harden the FUCK up!

“You hang up first!” “No you hang up first!” Harden the FUCK u- *CLICK*

Watching Home and Away or Neighbours. Harden the flamin’ FUCK up!

Refusing to donate blood for the sick kiddies because ‘needles hurt’. Doctor Chopper prescribes you a third dose of harden the FUCK up!

Sucking up to and waiting on your partne

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The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch. However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.

Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance:"hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me". A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine: "New Zealand will win the Rugby World Cup"

"Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive"