I'm as sick as a small hospital

I'm so hungry I'd eat a small child

She had a face on her like a well slapped a*se

Your're as welcome as a f*rt in a spacesuit

My mouth's as dry as a nun's cr@ck

He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup

He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician

As funny as a burning orphanage

I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes

I feel like a boiled sh1te (hungover)

(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress

She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn

As busy as the Dalkey dole office

Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit

As tight as a nun's knickers

I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn

Up and down like a hoor's knickers

Did your mother find out who your father is yet?

I left her with a face like a painter's radio

Jaysus! she could breastfeed a crèche

As fit as a butcher's dog

She' s got more chins than a Chinese phone book

Not even the tide would take her out

Mother Teresa wouldn't kiss her

Daz wouldn't shift her

Des Kelly wouldn't lay her

A sniper wouldn't take her out

Jaysus! ya wouldn't ride her into battle

If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one

She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked p*ss off a nettle

She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede

She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab

Memories
** ("v") ** Leave a comment if u are readin this. Leave one memory of u and me 2gether as a comment--it doesn't matter if I know you a little or a lot, anything you remember. Next, repost this bulletin and see how many people leave a memory about you!!

things about me

1. Full Name: Elaine Mary Monica Georgina Redmond
2. Nicknames: Limbo/ Helena amanda's idea
3. Birthday: 14th August
4. Place of Birth: Dublin
5. Zodiac Sign: Leo
6. Male or female: Female
7. Grade: 6th year
8. School: St Dominics
9. Occupation: Student
10. Residence: Ballyfermot


__Your Appearance___

11. Hair Colour: Black
12. Hair Length: Shoulder lenght
13. Eye colour lue
14. Height: bout 5'3
15. Braces: nope
16. Glasses: nope
17. Piercings: Left side of me Lip, tongue, 2 in each ear, 1 at d top of me right ear n me nose
18. Tattoos: Yep. Me nieces name on me wrist.
19. Righty or Lefty: Righty

___Your 'Firsts'___

20. First best friend: Eamonn, Noel n Glen
21. First Award: I won a medel 4 a penalty shoot out in skool on sports day in primary.
22. First Sport You Joined: Irish Dancing...
23. First pet: My dog King R.I.P
24. First Real Vacation: Tramore (Wexford)
25. First REAL Concert: Westlife 2002 went wit me ma
26. First Love: Shawn Michaels

___ Favourites___

27. Movie: Rocky 1-6
28. TV programme: One Tree Hill
29. Colour: Pink, black n green
30. Rapper: Eminem
31. Band: Good Charlotte
32. Song Right Now: Last Night, P diddy
33. Friends: Yas all kno who ya r!!!
34. Sweet: Double decker
35. Sport to Play: Football
36. Restaurant: Eddie Rockets
37. Favourite brand: nike
38. Store: New Look
39. School Subject: Maths or Home Ec
40. Animal: Dog
41. Book: whats a book???
42. Magazine: OK! magazine
43. Shoe: Runners

___Currently___

44. Feeling: board
45. Single or Taken?: Single
46. Have a crush?: Yeah
47. Eating: Chewing gum
48. Drinking: Ribinna
49. Typing: Letters
50. Online? : Yeah
51. Listening To: My love JT
52. Thinking About: nothin!
53. Watching: Nothing
54. Wearing: Hoody n Jeans

___Your Future___

55. Want Kids? : eventually
56. Want to be married? Yeah
57. Careers in Mind: Midwife or event manager
58. Where do you want to live: In a big hse in Dublin
59. Car: BMW Jeep

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___

60. Hair colour: Black
61. Hair length: short
62. Eye colour: Brown
63. Measurements: ????
64. Cute or Sexy: Cute
65. Lips or Eyes: Both
66. Hugs or Kisses: Both
67. Short or Tall: Medium
68. Easygoing or serious: Easy Going
69. Romantic or Spontaneous: Spontaneously romantic
70. Fatty or Skinny: Medium Build
71. Sensitive or Loud: Both
72. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
73. Sweet or Caring: being sweet while caring
74. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: Bit o both

___Have you ever______

75. Kissed a Stranger: Yeap
76. Had Alcohol: ME?! ... NEVER.. well maybe..
77. Smoked: NO
78. Ran Away From Home: nope
79. Broken a bone: no
80. Got an X-ray: no
81. Broken Someone’s Heart: no
82. Cried When Someone Died: Yeah Ppl who don't r not rite
83. Cried At School: Yeah when i was younger

__Do You Believe In___

84. God: I do
85. Miracles: Yeah
86. Love At First sight: No
87. Ghosts: a bit
88. Aliens: no
89. Soul Mates: Yeah
90. Heaven: Yeah
91. Hell: i suppose you can't have one without the other
92. Angels: very much so
93. Kissing on The First Date: yeah its d best part of d nite!
94. Horoscopes: sometimes

___Answer Truthfully___
95. Is There Someone You Want But You Know You Can't Have?: I'm not telling.......