[spreading jam on toast] Jam-ja-jam jam jam.. mmm.. jamm.. [takes a bite] Urrgghhh! [throws up on ceiling]

You shoulda gone to China. You know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale.

i'm gona Betch slap the dum outa you shetbag!!

You just want to mate? Well you're not mating with me sunshine.

I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly.

Goooooshh

Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day

Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD

*to Ron* just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon

Oh there's a hole so slowly destroying our universe, what do we do? Do we leave it alone? NO, LET'S MAKE IT BIGGER!!

You're exactly my brand of heroine

Fr Ted: Im fine for cake Mrs. Doyle Mrs Doyle: Are u sure Father, theres cocaine in it! Fr Ted: Theres what!! Mrs. Doyle: Oh no not cocaine, what am I on about, no I meant...am, raisins!!

Whoo! Go Gators! Time someone scored around here.

I prefer brunettes...

[Man] So you found my son?
[Caine] Yes (removes sun glasses)... but he's not your son

Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up! It'll be anarchy!

Sean Smith: We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.Ronald Fisher: Smurfette?Sean Smith: Yeah, not some tight-ass Middlesex chick, right? Like this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.Donnie: Smurfette doesn't fuck. Sean Smith: That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.Ronald Fisher: No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual. Sean Smith: Okay, then, you know what? She fucks them and Vanity watches. Okay?Ronald Fisher: What about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action. Sean Smith: Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang, and he beats off to the tape. Donnie:
[shouts] First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It's just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?Ronald Fisher:
[pause] Dammit, Donnie. Why you gotta get all smart on us?

Missed me missed me now you've got to kiss me if you kiss me mister you must think I'm pretty if you think so mister you must want to fuck me if you fuck me mister it must mean you love me

And you thought you could change the world by opening your legs Well, it isn't very hard Try kicking them instead. And you thought you could change his mind by changing your perfume to the kind his mother wore Oh God, Delilah, why? I never met a more impossible girl.

Behold the world's worst accident I am the girl anachronism!

If a ten ton truck kills the both of us, to die by your side the pleasure and the privelidge is mine

I want the one I can't have, and it's driving me mad

When they bury me in a church and chuck earth on my grave, I'd like the words 'Well, at least he tried' engraved on my tombstone.

It's a mix of chav and chinese, I call it chavese

Oh, I dunno. I mean I'd like to believe I'm not but I just... I've just never seen any proof so I... I just don't debate it anymore, you know? It's like I could spend my whole life debating it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons and in the end I still wouldn't have any proof so I just... I just don't debate it anymore. It's absurd.

Oh, I dunno. I mean I'd like to believe I'm not but I just... I've just never seen any proof so I... I just don't debate it anymore, you know? It's like I could spend my whole life debating it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons and in the end I still wouldn't have any proof so I just... I just don't debate it anymore. It's absurd.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner!!

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right. We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.

My mom had a uterus... I lived in it...

I ain't got nothing and you're taking that away to. I haven't even got a guitar, I'm strumming my fucking belly button here.

I have TRIED to get... HOME with the downies!

'When it came to my generation it was, 'DONT FUCK ANYONE OR YOU'LL DIE!''

Now if I walk past a group of youths I find myself holding my keys in my pocket, then I find myself putting each key in between my clenched fist, so if I have to hit him I'll fucking kill him.