1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)





2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)





3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)




4... WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)




(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)



5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)




6... WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)





7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)





( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)





And the personal favorite:



8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)





Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart !




One for the ladies





One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'

And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'





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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped=2 0out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.




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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor





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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -
Q : Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual..'

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12.. Pack My Stuff

13. Potential Murder Suspect

A GAY WEDDING!

The shooting schedule calls for an elaborate wedding scene to take place at a Connecticut inn. In attendance? Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda, Stanford Blatch -- and Stanford's mother and father! All signs point to a gay union between Stanford and Anthony Marentino, who's required to wear a black tuxedo in the scene. Slated as the entertainment: Liza Minnelli! "The scene is hilarious," says an on-set insider.

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Sex and the City 2 Spoilers

Want some uncommon knowledge regarding the upcoming blockbuster? In Touch Weekly has revealed a slew of spoilers regarding the movie. Take these with a grain of salt as big as Carrie's shoe collection, but the rumored storylines include...

Carrie and Big become victims of the recession. How bad does it get? They are forced to move in with Charlotte and Harry!

Samantha fears her cancer has returned; as a result, she goes back to Smith Jerrod because she's still in love with him.

Miranda is sued for malpractice. She and Steve open a restaurant together.

The marriage of Charlotte and Harry hits a difficult patch after Charlotte suspects Harry of cheating. However, he's just sneaking around with a contractor, building Charlotte's dream home as a surprise.

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MEGHAN
Samantha Jones.

Samantha attempts to pull her [covered] back up while STILL SITTING in her rolling desk chair. It swings left and right, causing her elbow to NUDGE a container of hormones off the desk. It smashes. She GASPS. Meghan opens the door.

SAMANTHA
I'm going to need you to go on a testosterone run.

MEGHAN
I'll do it first thing tomorrow.

SAMANTHA
Said the twenty-four year old. I'll call the pharmacy and tell them you are on your way.

MEGHAN
And Smith Jerrod's on the phone

Meghan leaves. Samantha picks up the phone