A couple of people in work who I have a lot of respect for, expressed some concerns about the readiness of the Cork hurlers this year

"Christ, we have nothing, the lads aren't playing as a unit, Joe Deane has lost all form, Timmy is very sluggish, we have no forwards, midfield is still a huge problem, where will we play Diarmuid, we have no free taker"

My dear friends, relax, enjoy the next few weeks and the long evenings. Immerse yourself in all things Cork and feel good. Have a stroll down the Mardyke, have a wander up to Shandon, even ring the bells if you want to

Have a lovely ramble down the Lee fields with the dogs and have a quart in The Anglers Rest. Then drive down to Cloyne for a spin and say a few prayers at Ringies statue

Drive to Allihies in Wests Cork some day, one of the most beautiful places on the planet. It'll change your life

Maybe pop in to Mok's pub on the Bandon road some night and have a pint with Jimmy Barry Murphy. Just sit there, you dont have to say anything, he'll know that you know. Then run across to Lennox's for a cheese and onioin pie and chips with peas and curry

Go to a road bowling match out in Blackpool, then walk back into town around 3pm, hopefully it'll piss rain. Grab a breast in a bun in HillBillies if you get the munchies, then head to the Hi B for a lash of pints until you get thrown out for reading the paper

Head into the English Market on the way home. Go to the old meat counters, buy some offal, a couple of half heads, some liver, heart and kidneys. Make sure you pick up a nice bit of hake and conger from O' Connells fish stall

Buy a couple of stale skull loafs while you're there and stroll out of town, you'll pass where Henry's once stood, up Barrack street, pass The Enterprise and out Bandon Road. Pop into Gallies for a few cans and the Echo and head over to the Lough to feed the swans

Hopefully there'll be soft sweet rain falling, the kind of rain you only get in Cork on summers evenings and on the Friday before big hurling matches. Drift off into a beautiful dream, a dream of balmy Sundays in Thurles, singing de Banks with friends, family and loved ones

When you wake up, get your mam to collect you and make you tea and toast at home while you dry your jeans in front of the fire and talk all night about music and nights out and savage drinking sessions and old games and the games to come

You'll make a few calls to the lads on Saturday about arranging a lift and who's bringing the sambos and tinnies. You'll be nervous Saturday night so you'll get hammered and travel to the game next day with a cruel hangover - nothing worse, nothing better

You know Sunday will be sunny, they always are in Thurles and you'll meet people you went to school with outside the County Bar and havent seen for 15 years and they'll look the very same. You'll meet some really quiet guy in work who you never knew was into Cork and he'll be demented drunk with an old Barry's Tea jersey on him

Some of them will be nervous but the real Cork heads expect to win, and win handy like, even against overwhelming odds

Some will say, "era we haven't a chance this year. The papers are laughing at us, we have no forwards or midfield, we choked last year"

But you know we have something, something indefinable

You remember what JBM told you that night in Moks in May:

"You can never write us off. We are beautiful. We will be there when all the others are long gone, we are Cork!!"

Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything

If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour

Take life with a pinch of salt - a wedge of lime and a shot of tequila

In need of a support group - cocktail hour with the girls

Go on the 30 day diet - I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days

I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok - they know me here

Lead me not into temptation - I can find it myself

Don't get your knickers in a knot - it solves nothing and makes you walk funny

When life gives lemons in 2008 - turn it into lemonade and mix it with vodka

Remember, every good looking, sweet, single male is someone else's ex-boyfriend!!

Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips

Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge

Well, aren't you just the most adorable black hole of need

Shhh...that's the sound of nobody caring what you think

Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to pronounce

If you have something to say, raise your hand and put it over your mouth

You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement immediately

If there is a tourist season, how come we can't shoot them?!

BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED FOR THEY ARE THE ONES WHO LET IN THE LIGHT