Opening Credits: Batman - Batman

Waking Up: Sunday Morning Coming Down - Johnny Cash

First Day At School: Heavy Fuel - Dire Straits

Falling In Love: Killer Queen - Queen

Loosing Virginity: Money - Pink Floyd

Fight Song: The Seeker - The Who

Breaking Up: Arbeit Macht Frei - The Libertines

Debs: Speak To Me/Breathe - Pink Floyd

Life: Supper Time - Johnny Cash

Mental Breakdown: Very Superstitious - Stevie Wonder

Flashback: Bron-Y-Aur Stomp - Led Zeppelin

Getting Back Together: Plastic Fantastic Lover - Jefferson Airplane

Wedding: Yakety Yak - Coasters

Birth of Child: Rain Song - Led Zeppelin

Final Battle: Rebel Rebel - David Bowie

Death Scene: John Wesley Harding - Bob Dylan

Funeral Song: Love Over Gold -Dire Straits

End Credits: 20:20 Vision - Rory Gallagher

Mad Varnish (real name Isaac) is a local lunatic (but legend) form the Ashington area. He can often be seen around dublin 7 wearing a cowboy hat, an open coat with no sleeves and no shirt and filpflops, walking his dog and talking shite. Below are the some of the best things he's ever said. Remember when reading this he shouts all this out at the top of his voice:

1)"You're all a bunch of cocksuckers!"
Said to a load of children with their mothers outside boscos.

2)"Sinn Fein all the way"
On election day

3)"Women.All they're good for is cookin and pussy"

4)"Theres notihng but pakis on this bus!"
As he got off the bus he gave them the finger.

5)"You know I hate women but I like you cause you make me the nice rolls."

6)"Peace and love brother peace and love."
When posing for a photo.

7)"That's a fine elbow ya got there."
More to come...

"Youre a fraud and a cheat. Youre the most corrupt politician in Ireland."
Heckling bertie ahern at the mahon tribunal.

9)"They won't silence me!"
On announcing that he'll be appearing in court as a result of said heckling.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.

Knock Knock
Whos there
the police your entire family have been killed in a car wreck

So this guy walks into his doctor and says "Doctor it hurts when i poke my leg like this" The doctor says "You habve shattered both your kneecaps.You will never walk again.

How do you scare a jew?
Knock Kncok
Whos there?
GESTAPO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do you stop a clown from smiling?
Hit it with an axe

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Being shot in the head

What did the Hobo get for christmas?
NOTHING

Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the kids back

Whats the difference between michael jackson and a grocery bag?
One holds groceries the other molests children

Why did the chicken cross the road?
He didnt.He got hit by a bus.

Whtas the difference between a pizza and a jew?
One is an edible substance the other believes in judaism

What happened to the elderly old man who liked to play tricks on children ?
he was stoned to death

What did a shopkeeper do when she saw a child kicking a ball outside her store?
She ran outside kicked him in the ribs and screamed maniacally until the police arrived

What did batman say to robin to get him in the car?
Get in the car

I was walking down the street the other day when this bums comes up to me and says he has not had any food in three days
So i stabbed him

What did the robot say to the child?
Nothing. He malfunctioned and strangled him.Despite the authorities attempts to free the kid he was still strangled because robots are really strong.After killing the kid the robot self-destructed and levelled 5 city blocks.Everyone in the vicinty was killed.

Johnny runs home from school crying"Mommy all the kids say i have a big head"

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terrible low self-esteem

Why was six afraid of seven?
No it wasnt.Numbers are not sentinent and are incapable of feeling fear

Knock Kncok
Whos there
bob
Oh come in

How many hindus can u get in a mini ?
4 adults and possibly a child

Ther is an irishman a homosexual and a jew standing at a bar.... what a fine example of an integrated community

What do you call a chicken in antartica?
Lost

A blonde and a brunette fall off a building.Which one hits the ground first?
It depends on the weight and drag coefficient

Your mommas so fat she eats too much and doesnt get proper exercise

Person 1: Did you hear about what happened in work today?
Person 2: <confused expression>
Person 3: thats rihght....... your deaf



AND THESE ARE MORE RACIST THAN LITERAL


Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia

Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her

Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking
her.

Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in
common?
A: They don't fucking listen.

Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an
irritating cunt once in a while too.

Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

Q. whats the difference between your girlfriend and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13!

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.

Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
A. Your ass kicked.

Q. What is t