100 Stupid Questions

Your mom goes to college.

It is impossible to wear a sombrero and be sad, it's impossible

Last night, I was stirred from my slumber by a crow calling three times 'caw, caw', well you know what a crow sounds like. Passing to my window, I trod on a piece of lego.. oh it went right in the heel! Turning on my television set I noticed the reception wasn't great, not terrible, just not great. Hear me now, no good can come of your trip to the theatre tonight! And if you ask me... well that's just bloody rude. Where's my 'Heat'?

You must be a Parking Ticket, cause you got fine written alll over YOU

'What'cha gonna do, What'cha gonna do brother, when Hulkamania runs wild on you?'

Take the vest of...you look like Aladdin

He's so bright and milky white, shining down upon the ground. He's so bright, milky white, shining down upon the ground. Everybody look at the moon, everybody see in the moon, the moon is bright, he's milky white, everybody look at the moon. Huh! Uh, I did a song, Jupiter I did a song! You aint' got one! Eh! Ho! Ho! Uh, I feel sick.

You wanna know about my thumb do ya boy? Intrigue ya does it boy? My Thumb? Let me tell ya 'bout it. I come from a long line of hitchhikers, all with bleedin' masive thumbs. You see the thumb its a tremendous boom to the hitchhiker, helps with work. Ya know what I mean? Only problem was, when I was a nipper, my thumb was tiny. Not just tiny like a single sugar puff, Disgusting! Even my own mother would reel back in horror, like an anaconda, 'Aagh! What is it!? Get it out of here! It's tiny! It's horrible, it's revolting! Take your tiny thumb and get out of here and never darken my door again!' she'd say. I had to leave the family unit, in search of a miracle. I wandered the streets, looking for the answer. And people told me of a magic shaman: part man, part hornet. So I went looking for him. I went everywhere. I combed the universe in search of the stripy insect shaman. Turns out he was in a local primary school, in the bin, reeling about with the apple cores. Like they do. And I stood there, with my thumb out, and he stung it, and he stung it. He grabbed onto it, it was like he was making love to it with his sting. In and out, in and out, more and more! Oh the pus, the pain, the black voodoo, the wet jigsaw puzzle! I didn't know what was happening. Oh for days I was in a trance. But when I came to, there it was. Like a fleshy maraca! A thumb of gigantic proportion! 'A miracle!' I said, 'A miracle, you're a true wizard! How can I ever repay ya?' And he said to me, 'Five hundred euros.' 'Five hundred euros!? You won't see penny one from me you slag!' And as I raised my thumb up, to smash his tiny skull in I could see in his little insect face, could see him thinkin', 'Oh, I created that monster! I created that thumb! And now it's killing me! My own beastly creation, killin' me dead. The sweet irony.' I think he was sayin' that, although it was a long time ago. And in hindsight, he coulda just been shittin' himself.

Yorkshire? What is 'Yorkshire'??

There is only three things people will remeber the discovery of fire, electricity and the flint michigan megabowl!

I is no way related to you boy! You is ugly bugly!

Easy now, fuzzy little man peach.

I come fully equipped with a papoose, I slot in the back like a peanut. Or, if you're against the papoose system, I also come with a wheel - clips into my chin like a skate.

Cheese is a kind of meat, a tasty yellow beef. I milk it from my teat, but I try to be discreet. Oh cheese! Oh cheese!

I'm so evil, I once kicked a raccoon's face RIGHT off its body. What its face was doing on its body I've no fuckin' idea, faces are supposed to be covering HEADS. I was doing him a favour...

Ow, chicka chicka ow. Ow! OW! My hat's on fire! What's wrong with you? You blind? Why didn't ya tell me?

Anyway, you failed to take into account... my MIRROR BALLS! Look at them shine! OOH! Look at them shine!!

↓ SEND TO A FRIEND ↓

This isn't rubbish, this is my home. That hole that you crawled through is my front door, sir. That skateboard there, that's my transportation unit. This old peach, why, it's my hat, sir. Look - peach hat!

I'll be back to varnish you later, you little pine tart.

Note to self: grow dog tits and become a priest

I'll take you out for a meal with Mr and Mrs Pain, order up some violent quiche

Remember that time I pushed that toddler in front of a juggernaut just because he was standing on my Topshop vouchers?

When you are the moon the best form you can be is a full moon, err… and then a half moon he’s alright, but the full moon is the famous moon and err… like three quarters no one gives a shit about him, when does he come? Two days into the calendar month, he’s useless. Full moon, the moon, the main moon.