Smiffy
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männlich,
46
- von Wishy
- Ich bin Offen für alles
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- Mitglied seit: August 2007
- Zuletzt aktiv: 4 Wochen her
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- Motto
- Think I'll binge on crack and tirimisu..........
- Ich über mich
- Unsatisfied
- Meine bessere Hälfte
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- Music
- I like lots of popular beat combo's who grace the hit parade.
- Films
- Sammy's Super T-shirt.
- Would most like to shoot?
- Chris Moyles. repeatedly. After hanging him and setting him on fire. then and only then i would have my wee gay cat piss on him. After that i would put his fat inards through a mincer and then serve him up for ian Huntleys tea....... still too good for the unfunny cunt mindye. Zane Lowe shouldnae get off though either. He is a total cunt too.
- Favourite prescription drug
- Diamorphine.
- want to live for how long?
- forever
- Find it funny when....
- bad money dies..... i love the scene.
- Want to be friends with
- Vanessa Paradis - the Be my baby years.
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Good morning Wishaaaaaw!!!!
Ok... soz people who have already had this meandering tale by text... it’s just that it was quite disturbing and sums up what is wrong in this country today. I should know... I’ve been laid up with a bad back for the last fortnight..... where do they find the festering pond-life that populate thon Kyle of Jeremy show????
Ok, this is a kinda expanded version of my text diatribe.... like a signed hardback if you like.....the title remains the same......
I have just bore witness to a most shameful act of humanity and fear my retina may be scorched forever.
Popped into the Morrison’s mini-mart tonight.... you know... a scaled down supermarket that fits inside a petrol station???? Well, as i was paying for pump number 3 but declining a VAT receipt..... ”i may be wearing a suit but I’m no fecking salesman!!!!” Some 40 something chubby lass shreeks in.... hair scraped back pure booling ball style likesay “Awwwww..... have aw yer OK magazines selt oot, aye???” The checkoot lassie replied “Well they don’t usually come in till tomorrow”; “Aw great!!!!” booms the big monstrosity; “ ....... ahm dyin tae see thon wedding pictures...... ah saw it on the telly!!!!!!”
Please someone relieve me of my time on this earth!!!!!
And BTW..... if somebody’s maw came in the night goin on about how they couldnae get a copy of OK at Morrisons garage and they would get one the morra and they mibbes think this was about them then sorry but ...... yer maws an arse.
0 Kommentare 273 Tage
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The bath panel time capsule of joy
After the Columbo marathon that was on itv2 the day I was slightly bored so rather than walk to B&Q for some tungsten tipped screws I decided to remove my path panel, cos that's the kinds shit i'm into. To my bewilderment and wide eyed boyish wonder & awe I found two editions of the daily retard dating back to August 2000.
Obviously the bone idle lazy ersed git that wiz fitting the bathroom suite back in the day was indeed a shiftless swine no doubt charging by the hour and read the paper to stretch it oot a bit and for an extra bit of a wheeze left the evidence of his tardiness behind like a wee time capsule to be discovered in years to come by people of the future who would laugh at their primitive ways. Well get it right up ye ya twat!!!! I love time capsules so the jokes on you..... needless to say, I had the last laugh......
I know, I know........ "So move yer erse Franny.... don't keep us in suspense..... what was happening in the world back then...... what was it like????" I'll not build ma part up any longer, and so yous feel involved I have reproduced the front and back pages in the wee photie gallery. So move yer moose across and click on the bit that says "RED BUTTON" in the photie gallery. Interactive blogs are the future. It will be scratch and sniff blogs next ... mark my words. Soon you'll be able to sniff Barry Loovencocks musky aroma as he thinks of his Valencian sweetheart in a 5 star hotel room... mark my words.
Haud the Front Page
You'll never believe this but back in the yesteryear of 2000 the front page news was that complete idiots were watching a TV show called Big Brother. Apparently there was some low-life, sleekit, two faced, lying, game-playin bastirt passing secretive messages tae folk called Nasty Nick on it and he got booted oot. If he was here today I bet he would love bebo - everybodys a lying bastirt sending secret messages aboot on there. I'm actually a bored 45 y/o houswife from Kansas called Una who spotted Franny Smith on facebook and decided to set up a bebo account in his name to see if I could be as cool as him in another platform. It hasnae worked oot i can tell ye, one bad thing after another..... First ma dug got run over and then some bastirt set ma wheelie bin on fire.
Haud the Back Page..... and then pish yersel laughin!!!!
Like thon Vanessa Williams I have saved the best for last. Like Jesus done by dishing oot the asti spumante early doors at his perty and waitin till everybody was pished and then bringing oot the pinot grigiot ten year old and that. Back in 2000 the laptop loyal were busy blowing smoke up everybodys erse by bangin on about how good the huns were and basically being free PR agents for that bloke wae nae legs..... naw, not joe fae Family Guy...... David Murray!!! Aye that's him.
Anyway, the backpage headline was "RANGERS CHASING THE NEW BERGKAMP" (again, viewers can press their red button). Apparently they were about to sign a £7m rated striker by the big long name of Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink. Arthur Newman is quoted as saying "He has so much class and I would say he is as good as Ruud van Nistelrooy"
Hmmm..... the slovenly bathroom fitter didnae leave any more papers so ahm guessing that he signed for the huns and they then enjoyed domestic and European success for all the years to follow.
Well people..... I don't know about you but the year 2000 sounds a dreary and scary place..... thank fuck we have left all that behind and we are now living the dream eh?????0 Kommentare 374 Tage
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Viva La Villareal via Valencia
On any good trip there is always a theme choon.... "Dancing with tears in my eyes" was this one.... this topic shall be revisited soon.... much like a stockingd selection box. Hum it if you can no longer hear it.... feel the annoyance and glee!!!!
Had to be in the airport for Monday 4 am of September weekend. There was a foam party in the Soul Suite till 3 am…… nah we didnae dae that…. Thought about it mindye..... Nah, instead the remnants from Mexico nite (Spain’s wee cousin) were had and fell asleep on Sunday afternoon. Woke up at midnight just in time to pack my smalls and seeing it was officially holiday time allowed myself a wee cerveza till taxi-time. Was thankful I took it easy instead of being soapy in the soul suite so ah wiz..... Fast forward 5 hours and those good intentions had come undone slightly as maltesers get taken off bald folks heads on the plane (apologies the dug!). Fuck it…. Ahm on ma holidays!!!
The next sketch co-incided with our first comedy renaming of the trip. The ever reliable Michael J Cronin was caught short when queuing for the Valencia train tickets. He was informed by the wee wumman he should be at window A, not window B. So he went to window A, stood casually for 20 minutes and was finally served by the same wee wumman who must have went for brekky or summat. And so it was this casual meandering and general sloppliness had led to us missing the train and so the legend of Mike Blasé was born.
Now we had to sit in a bloody pub in Allicante for 2 and a half hours….. stuff and jobbies!!!
Anyways, we march boldly on and get to the digs. 5 star accommodation but due to the fact it was in the shadow of Valencia’s slowly emerging Nou Mestalla Estadia and therefore a building site - 2 star prices… back of the net!!! 23 stories high, wonderfully stocked “honesty” mini-bar (more of which later), hydro bath, and more freebies than you can shake a wee pointy stick at in each room. Well there was all those things when we arrived. The rooftop swimming pool was sweet apart from when you were sunning yersel, beers chilling in the pool, lying back thinking "This is pure sexy beast material likesay....perr wee sad sacks back at work right now... daft cunts...." Then yer wee dreamlike bubble is burst when you realise that the nob i-pod holder in charge of the choons is playing "Purple Rain" dead loud likesay..... "Haw McGuire ya dick!! What the fuck are you playing purple pop pervert prince for ya prick??".... "Whits wrong wae that how??".... "Aye, we're gonna look a nice gathering ay boy wonders if somebody comes up the sterr and sees us aw sat in oor pants listenin tae that wee nonce!!!"....."Aye, yer right enough..... didnae think ay that............ emdy fancy a wee sweat in the gym then we'll aw have a sauna eh?"
Well later that first night inValencia we decided to step out, a couple of our number thought we would see the city, mingle with the locals, sample the culture and check out a highly rated nightclub.... another couple thought..... "Lets go tae an irish pub and stand wae cunts fae Drumchapel wearing cellic taps!!!.... don't often get the chance tae dae that ay????". So it came to pass that Mike Blase and I got to see lots of the City..... far more than I ever anticpated due to his over exuberant use of the underground railway system.... "Aye, ah know it now..... we get off here and we change here..... fvck.... think we shoulda stayed on for a bit.... fuck it, we'll try this one...." (repeat ad nauseum...) Well we certainly got oor monies worth anyway. Who woulda thought? A two euro ticket which let us travel 80 miles.... all in wee interloping circles tae? Magic!!!! Plus, we did get to find a station called "Jesus", that made it all worthwhile sweetheart.
Well myself & Blase found nightclub Studio, oor wee hips shooglin in anticipation as we paid oor fee and descended the stairs...... bout midnight noo and were the only ones there.... "fuc0 Kommentare 411 Tage
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Stuttgart team photie
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Ian Brown @ the Civic
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Connect in that Inverary
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More stalking and other nonsense
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Now that's what i call stalking
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random shite photies
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too many tramploines
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jossy's giants
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Connect 08..... escape from Inveraray jail
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That Newcastle Mar 09
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Time Capsule
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Viva la Villareal vis Valencia
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Wee Bill's do, that Galway
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stuff that needs an audience!!!
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deformed cock Johnny Connelly 0 Antworten -
art of noise-up Smiffy 0 Antworten
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Lee Ann Ritchie5 Wochen herAh very good, I appreciate that very much
. In much need of cheering up so that was just what the doctor ordered lol.
Not to worry about the length of time it took you to reply, I thought maybe you had messaged me by mistake after a night on the sauce or something haha!
What new in ur life these days? x
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7 Wochen her
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Miss S8 Wochen herNo I was not fired
I just decided it was time to go, too much stuff on at the moment!
I'm pretty sure the ginger with the stiff pole and a liking for the Well was me!!
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Lee Ann Ritchie9 Wochen her
Ha I could say the same, ya bas! lol. What the hell have u been up to? x
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Billy Younger9 Wochen herI know mate, gutted for ye. you're turning into the Darren Anderton of the 5's world. Gonna start calling you sicknote!
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26 Wochen her
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Glasgow Tartan Army27 Wochen herHaha. Good answer. Wonder where the sixers bit came from! I now feel like a better person for knowing what it means!
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27 Wochen her
Catholics With Attitude
We are impressed. Not only have we been educaed, but we also have concrete proof that "Verisimilitude" is not the name of the stuff one of our number gets from his GP to sort his dodgy stomach out.
"Clever Trousers"......you might have just given us an idea for a new clothing line.
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Glasgow Tartan Army27 Wochen her
Saw it on yer page - Something about "I ran into Nicola in Tesco's quite literaly... i run over her foot with my trolley then gave her sixers no returns on ma way past for good measures..."
Thought you might have the answer I have been looking for??????? -
Glasgow Tartan Army27 Wochen her
What does sixers no returns mean?
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28 Wochen her
Annetress Pearson
hiya. yeh that was me getting interviewed! they stopped my hubby n he said 4 them to talk to me cause i knew john i was bloody mortified cause i was trying to stop my half foot dog attacking a big boxer plus i had the hangover from hell that morning with the bank holiday weekend!
how's life treating u? tc x -
Emma Mcguire28 Wochen herI think it's dried off since August!! How's it going anyway? Going to any festivals in summer?
MY CAMPING HELL slams mcguire! -
32 Wochen her
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Big Martyn Linford Tino GunsKellighan34 Wochen herweay hows it goin? titp this year? i think thats the last time i seen you. fuck sake!x
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35 Wochen her
Catholics With Attitude
You quoted a line from a Peters and Lee song.
That made us laugh out loud at 15 minutes and we're tempted to add the youtube vid to the Bebo.
God bless yer wee 'sel -
35 Wochen her
Catholics With Attitude
Smiffy!
How ye doin?
Just thought you might want to know that gallons of te olde midnight oil has been getting burned here at CWA Towers and we now have the t-shirts to prove it.
www.catholicswithattitude.co.uk
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Kevano36 Wochen herAlong Time ago in 1066
Alot of Wee Fellas got in a fix
Some of them Died and some of them Didnae
Am Sure wan wis ma wee pal Sidney
Can't believe you remembered THAT -
37 Wochen her
Lee Ann Ritchie
I'll have to have a look at Elvis's bebo he sounds lovely! As for making shapes in the silent disco, ur on ur own there matey I've never been to such a thing, but it looks hilarious. Might give it a go this year!
Was looking at a house in Chapelhall but didn't get it, probably for the best I'd have ended up bankrupt!! Oh well, I'll just keep looking, I also quite fancied the new estate at the bottom of Cleland but I heard the Developer was in the Pokey for fraud or something, how inconsiderate is that?
What's life like in Camby then? As for luzzy its officially my new word!
P.s. one of my guinea pigs is definitely gay, he's always trying it on with poor wee Stevie. Maybe him and Elvis should hook up?
See ya x -
38 Wochen her
Lee Ann Ritchie
I hate it when that happens its most annoying, mind you I don't have witty things to say like you, I'm quite a bore these days!!
I got my tickets for t in the park a while ago and can't wait, especially since the line up is so good. Mind you I spend half my time wandering around and hardly see a band I want. Things will be different this year tho, you mark my words!!
Anyhoo now I've had my rant, that's great ur an accountant, clever bugger, I wish I had done that. My friend's hubby is one and he makes me jealous talking numbers all the time, (is that sad? yes I've read it back and it is, oh well, sad but true ha!).
I would love to go to Glasto, my sister and I were considering it but i'm in the middle of trying to buy a house, which is quite a costly business let me tell you, so i think Glasto's out this year. I definitely want to go b4 i'm 40 tho, so need to get a move on lol!!
P.s. Is ur cat really gay and what's luzziness or should I no this?? x
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38 Wochen her
Lee Ann Ritchie
How do stranger!! Sorry its taken so long to reply but I've never got a minute these days!! I Haven't seen you in years, how the hell are you??
I don't no whether looking like a drunken Claudia Schiffer is a compliment but I'm taking it that way so ta!!
As for you're "friend's" infection, hope that clears up real soon lol!!
What are you doing with yourself these days?? Are you goin to TITP?? x