It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."

When the boogie man goes to sleep he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If Jack Bauer tells you to get out of the room because you don't want
to see what he's about to do, you better stay in that room because
you're about to witness the most shockingly awesome thing you've ever
seen.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance
Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are for
pansies.

During the 18 months Jack Bauer was believed dead, CTU saved over $1
billion on ammunition.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been
looking for him.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go
off, security gives him a gun.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.

Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the No.5
CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who
downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

When President Palmer quit to start doing commercials, it took him 43
takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack
Bauer".

If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.

When Jack Bauer donates blood he asks just for a bucket and sawnoff shotgun.

Jack Bauer is the single leading cause of death in terrorists.

Jack Bauer invented terrorism to give himself a new hobby.

Jack Bauer brings a knife to a gun fight and always wins.