THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.!

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, ! and so Are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What ins pired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

This is fun to do. Just read the 'offence' and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each 'offence' and added up your total fine.
You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked pot -- £10
Did acid -- £5
Ever had sex at church -- £25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- £40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- £25
Had sex for money -- £100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- £20
Vandalized something -- £20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- £10
Beat up someone -- £20
Been jumped -- £10
Cross dressed -- £10
Given money to stripper -- £25
Been in love with a stripper -- £20
Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- £0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- £15
Ever drive and drank -- £20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- £50
Used toys while having sex -- £30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- £20
Went skinny dipping -- £5
Had sex in a pool -- £20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- £10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- £20
Cheated on your significant other -- £10
Masturbated -- £10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- £20
Done oral -- £5
Got oral -- £5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- £25
Stole something -- £10
Had sex with someone in jail -- £25
Made a nasty home video -- £15
Had a threesome -- £50
Had sex in the wild -- £20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex --£25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars-- £20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- £20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- £25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time-- £50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- £25
Went streaking -- £5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- £15
Been arrested -- £5
Spent time in jail -- £15
Peed in the pool -- £0.50
Played spin the bottle -- £5
Done something you regret -- £20
Had sex with your best friend -- £20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- £25
Had anal sex -- £80
Lied to your mate -- £5

OMG over £300 owed... FFS I better change me ways!!!

It’s been said that allegedly if you’ve seen over 85 movies you have no life. Mark the ones you’ve seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own blog, paste it in and put x’s by the ones that you have seen. Add them up........if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged!

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
( ) The Princess Bride
( ) AnchorMan
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
( ) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Pie Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
( ) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
( ) Lilo & Stitch
(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(x) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
( ) Robots
(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) King Kong
( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving Christmas
( ) Flubber
( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child’s Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
(x) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Seven
(x) Ocean’s Eleven
(x) Ocean’s Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) E.T.
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She’s All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
(x) X-Men
( ) X-2
( ) X3
( ) Spider-Man
( ) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
(x) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
( ) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street*
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf’s Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
(x) Boogeyman
(x The 40-year-old Virgin
( ) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
( ) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
( ) Lord of the Rings: Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones