Monaghan Language

A whole hape of - A lot of
All over de show - All over the place
Aye- yes of course
Aul - Old
Beejayzus - By Jesus / Oh God
Bruk - Broken
Clatty - Unorganised
Couwp - Knock over
Do ya folla - Do you understand
Don't b at it - Stop it
Doting - Imagining things
D'uncle - The Uncle
D'ya mind it? - Don't u remember?
Folly ur wan - Follow that person
Fruitcake - Queer
Gesha - Young girl
Gobaloon - Gobshite/eejit/fool
Halyan - Rough Woman
Heifer - Ugly fat girl
Hey ya boy ya - Hey you
Hi - No meaning, just used a lot!
Hould on a minute - Repeat that
Quare - Strange
Reddin out - Clearing Out
Shuck - Ditch
Stall the digger/massey - Slow down
Take the rough off it - Clean it
Tin can - Fiat Punto
Ur wan - That woman
Ya get me? - Did you understand that?
ogeous- desperate/outrageous
dats a holy tarra- thats terrible
like ya stole her- hurry up
Da oul doll- mother
OuL boy- father!

As an occupational safety and health officer u can cum across strange people. i met a guy called Penis Long. here is his risk assessment!

The Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:
- has to work hard;
- has to work at great depths
- has to work upside down
- has no ventilation or air-conditioned environment at work
- has to work in a high humidity environment
- has to work at high temperatures
- does not get weekends and holidays off
- does not get time off after extra hours of work
- has a hazardous work environment that often causes illness.

my reply:

Request denied for the following reasons:
- does not work 8 hours in a row
- does not answer immediately to all requests
- after a short activity period, falls asleep at work
- shows no fidelity to the workplace
- retires too early
- does not work at all unless pushed from behind
- does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work
- does not use protection at times when necessary
- sometimes leaves work too early.

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better". This will keep her on her toes. And girls love that. Disparaging comments about her weight also do the trick.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be". Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement. And every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things... they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because people who wear jewellery are gay. And thus sleeping with them makes you gay.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "fuck you" and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Get her to dress up, then walk her for miles in her heels. End the trek at at some crappy fast food place on the Northside. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then take her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can".
(I love this one, it's so funny).

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some bint". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when shes cold. And not by giving her your jacket, then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do, and always in packs for some fuckin' reason). Leave immediately. Go score some randomers. Come back right when the party's dying and shout at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny (I started young with goldfish and orange juice). Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like the PS2. Or flicking between Lost and Pimp My Ride.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll slowly go insane.

18. Take her out to dinner, some place with really nice big portions ( I recommend Tante Zoe's). Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then swiftly punch her. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy Hugo Boss smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. She'll say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to "stop crying you fucking baby". Girls like a tough man as I've already stated.

22. Tit twisters and plen