Very little is known about O.C.E.A.N Syndrome, but it is hoped that further interest can be generated from researchers involved in the equine and psychological sciences and that this outline will enable readers to begin to identify similar symptoms in their own families. As is the case of similar conditions, knowledge is power and with increased knowledge comes the ability to cope.

Obsessive Compulsive Equine Attachment Neurosis Syndrome (O.C.E.A.N.S) is most frequently – although not exclusively – diagnosed in the female, and can manifest itself anytime from birth to extreme old age. Symptoms may appear any time and may even go dormant in the late teens, only to re-emerge in later years. A fairly typical case would initially show the syndrome in its active form for about ten years, beginning some time in mid to late childhood. Dormancy often then occurs for a varying length of time, with the syndrome reoccurring at a later date, at which time it generally become a chronic, life-long condition.

Symptoms vary widely in both type and degree of severity. However, certain key points may be used to enable family members to make an accurate diagnosis.

The afflicted individual:

Can smell mouldy hay at ten paces, but can't tell whether bread has gone stale until it turns bright green.

Finds the occasional "Buck and Fart" session hugely entertaining when performed by a horse, but severely chastises her husband for similar antics.

Will spend hours cleaning and conditioning her tack, but wants to eat on paper plates so there is no washing-up.

Considers equine gaseous exhaust to be a fragrance.

Enjoys mucking out four stables twice a day, but denies that the kitchen floor needs cleaning more frequently than once a month.

Will spend an hour combing and trimming an equine mane, but wears a hat so she doesn't waste time brushing her own hair.

Will dig through manure piles daily looking for worms, but has no intention of going fishing.

Twice a week will spend an hour scrubbing buckets and troughs, but has a problem cleaning the bath and the toilet bowl.

Will pick a horse's nose, and call it cleaning, but becomes verbally and/or physically violent when her husband picks his.

Can sit through a four-hour session of a ground work clinic, but is unable to make it through a half-hour replay of highlights of the World Cup.

The spouse of an afflicted individual:

Must come to terms with the fact there is no cure. The syndrome may be genetic or caused by the inhaling of manure particles which, it has been proposed, have an adverse effect on female hormones

Must adjust the family budget to include equine items - hay, livery, farrier services, riding boots and clothes, supplements, tack, equine masseuse and acupuncturist - as well as veterinary expenses and insurance. Once you have identified a monthly figure, never look at it again. Doing so will cause tightness in your chest, nausea and pain

Must realize that your spouse has no control over this affliction. More often than not, she will deny a problem even exists

Must realise that there are strong indications of a genetic component of this syndrome, especially along the female line. In other words, your children are highly likely to become victim to this syndrome.

Must form a support group. You need to know you're not alone - and there's no shame in admitting your wife has a problem. A typical support group, for instance, involves men who truly enjoy Harley Davidsons, four-day weekends and lots of beer.

Now you can better see how O.C.E.A.N.S. affects countless households in this country and abroad. It knows no racial, ethnic or religious boundaries. It is a syndrome that will be always be difficult to treat because those most affected are in denial and therefore, not interested in a cure.

Diligence in research is essential in order to find information that will make it easier for the families and caretakers of the afflic

This is in response to the MEN'S RULES I found on my cousin Neil's Bebo page - silly man.

Women understand that men have some serious shortcomings, we DO make allowances, but your naturally low intellect means you sometimes do not

understand....hopefully this will help:-)

There is no numbered ordering - they are all of equal importance.

When we tell you how do do something, we really do know better. Never question or doubt that!

Just because we can for e.g. change the oil in the car, change a wheel etc. etc., is not an excuse for you to get out of doing it. Why keep a dog and bark yourself?

When we ask your opinion on something, STOP and THINK before answering. We will have given you the correct opinion to express, find it before you speak!

We do not nag! We understand that men have the attention span of a goldfish (approximately 3 seconds), therefore we know you need to be reminded of things. It's not

your fault, you can't help it and we do our best to help you get things done.

Women find it necessary to 'drop hints', not because we are trying to be vague, it's our way of influencing your opinions/actions/thought processes. You always end up

thinking it was your idea - we like you to feel important and clever. And inevitably, we get our own way.

Shopping is a necessary evil, we may not be enjoying it that much, but we make the best of it and if we must suffer queues, rude assistants and lug heavy bags around,

you can bet we won't be doing it alone.

House training a man takes waaaaayyyy longer than the average labrador. So, if you are still leaving the toilet seat up after 30 years, be thankfull we only complain

about it and don't rub your nose in it!

We know men are insular and have a limited general knowledge that usually does not extend beyond, cars, sport and beer. So when we try to draw you into a

conversation on another topic, we are simply trying to educate you.

When we say things like " it's ok, it happens to everyone..." it's really not, but we do so only because that will make you feel worse and you will be more determined to

make it up to us.

Never lie to a woman. We can read your thoughts (there are not that many in there to sort through). If it's a little lie, we will pretend we didn't notice, if it's a big

one......well, suffice to say, you really didn't get away with it and the day of reckoning will come when you least expect it.

We like to surprise you....see above.

If a woman tells you she loves you, she means it so be gratefull, she does so in spite of all of your failings.

If you are a man reading this and either disagree or don't understand any of it, then you are probably single and likely to remain so....

Rachel is always saying the silliest things, I could write a book.....think I'll start with a blog first though.
What makes this even more ridiculous, she is actually quite smart...but she makes us roll about laughing with the daft comments, observations and descriptions she comes out with.
Definately case of putting her mouth in gear before engaging her brain.

Today she was commenting on something that had changed since her visit to Disneyland Paris - goodness knows how, but there you go. Anyhoo, she is describing something...can you guess what it is?
RACHEL::: "You know, that flat elevator thing, like a teadmill on the road...."
Erm, Flat elevator?
I was a bit stumped too, but since I know her unique logic, I guessed she meant a moving pavement....lol
Another fairly recent conversation we had, while watching telly. An advert comes on for a computer game called My Little Planet or somesuch thing.
RACHEL:: "That looks really cool, shame it's not out for the Wii"
ME::"What's so cool about it?"
RACHEL:: "You can do anything with it, make up stuff, have little characters - your own family can be in it too....blah,blah"
ME:: "Really? You know there is a thing called 'real life' that does all of that and more. Every decision you make changes what happens and it's much healthier too".
RACHEL::"COOL!!! It is out for the Wii?"

Who says the art of conversation os dead?
I'm sure this will be updated regularly, this happens almost on a daily basis.