Chandler: You're turning into a women.
Joey: No I'm not. Why would you say that? That's just mean.
Chandler: Now I've upset you? What did I say?
Joey: It's not what you said. It's the way you said it….Oh My God, I'm a women!!!

Phoebe: You don't have to put a good spin on everything.
Parker: I'm sorry that's who I am. I'm a positive person.
Phoebe: No! I am a positive person. You are like Santa Clause on Prozac, at Disneyland, getting laid!

Rachel: Hey, do you guys have any extra ribbon?
Chandler: Yeah, sure. What do you need? We got lace, satin, sateen, raffia, gingham, felt, (Pause) and I think my testicles may be in here too.

Phoebe: So what, you're just never going to tell her?
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, I'm going to take her to an amazing Valentine's dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks I'm the best boyfriend in the world, then I'm going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.
Phoebe: If I haven't said it before: she's a lucky, lucky lady!


Mona: Seriously, what is she doing?
Ross: Uh…lately, she just likes hanging out here.
Mona: Why?
Ross: I think she's lonely.
Mona: Okay, but it's Valentine's Day!
Ross: I know.
Mona: Can't we just ask her to go?
Ross: No, no. She's way to emotional. And by emotional I mean crazy.


Mona: Oh, my God! She has food delivered here?
Ross: Mm-hmm. She's-she's emotional, but, but ballsy.

Chandler: Monica has a secret closet and she won't let me see what's in it.
Joey: Why not?
Chandler: I don't know! What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can't see?!
Joey: I don't know. Ooh, I bet it's Richard.
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Joey: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe she's having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too.

Will: God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?
Ross: (laughs) Yeah.
Will: So what do you, what do you do now?
Ross: So how long are you in town?


Will: Look at her standing there with those yams! My two greatest enemies Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.


Rachel: Okay Monica, did you know about this?!
Monica: I swear I didn't. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Ross and Will: Yeah.
Monica: Hmm, a little relieved, I gotta say.


(re: The rumor Ross and Will started about Rachel.)
Monica: You started that?!
Rachel: What?! You heard that?!
Monica: Everyone at our school heard it!
Chandler: Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?!

Rachel: Monica! We need more candy?
Monica: What?! There's only been like four kids.
Rachel: Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.
Phoebe: No wonder your pregnant.

Ross: Did that guy just call you Toby?
Chandler: Yeah, he thinks that's my name.
Ross: Well, why don't you correct him?
Chandler: Oh it's been going on way to long now. Y'know, I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didn't say anything. And then the next time he said, "Hey Toby, do you want a donut?" And I-I wanted a donut. And now it's five years later, the donut's gone and I'm still Toby.


Chandler: No! That would be so awkward! Look-Besides, we work in different departments. He's on the sixth floor y'know? So he calls me Toby once in a while. What's the big deal? It could be worse, it's not like he's calling me Muriel.
Ross: (laughs) Muriel. Wh-why would he call you Muriel? Oh my God! Chandler M Bing? It's not just an M, your middle name is Muriel!!
Chandler: Shh! It is a family name!
Ross: Chandler Muriel Bing. Boy, your parents never gave you a chance did they

Chandler: Well maybe it was all of your questions.
Monica: What about my quest

why???
wonders of the world...

EVER WONDER where we are headed...
>>
>> Why the sun lightens our hair,
>> but darkens our skin?
>>
>> Why women can't put on mascara
>> with their mouth closed?
>>
>> Why you don't ever see the headline:
>> "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>>
>> Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
>>
>> Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
>>
>> Why you have to click on "Start"
>> to stop Windows 98?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid
>> is made with real lemons?
>>
>> Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
>>
>> Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
>>
>> Who tastes dog food when it has a
>> "new & improved" flavor?
>>
>> Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
>>
>> Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the
>> indestructible black box?
>>
>> Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
>>
>> Why they are called apartments when
>> they are all stuck together?
>>
>> If con is the opposite of pro,
>> is Congress the opposite of progress?
>>
>> Why they call the airport "the terminal"
>> if flying is so safe?
>>
>> AND...
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of
>> stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
>>
>> On a Myer hairdryer:
>> "Do not use while sleeping".
>> (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
>>
>> On a bag of Chips:
>> You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
>> (The shoplifter special?)
>>
>> On a bar of Palmolive soap:
>> "Directions: Use like regular soap".
>> (And that would be how???)
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> On some frozen dinners:
>> "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
>> (But, it's just a suggestion).
>>
>> On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert
>> (printed on bottom):
>> "Do not turn upside down".
>> (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>>
>> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
>> "Product will be hot after heating".
>> (And you thought????...)
>>
>> On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
>> "Do not iron clothes on body".
>> (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
>> "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
>> (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction s if we
>> could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
>>
>> On Nytol Sleep Aid:
>> "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
>> (And...I'm taking this because???)
>>
>> On most brands of Christmas lights:
>> "For indoor or outdoor use only".
>> (As opposed to...what?)
>>
>> On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts:
>> "Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
>>
>> On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
>> "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
>> (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>>
>> I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:
>> On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
>>
>> On a Swedish chainsaw:
>> "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
>> (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Ron Burgundy: [to dog] You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair.


Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh!
Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.
Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food! Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people
Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
News Station Employee: Smells like Bigfoot's dick!


Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team!
Ron Burgundy: That's a given.
Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you! I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!

Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Fantana: Panda Watch! The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.
[to the Panda]
Brian Fantana: Hey, you're making me look stupid! Get out of here, Panda Jerk!

Brian Fantana: [seriously] I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.
Brick Tamland: [breaks out laughing] Good one!

Ron Burgundy: What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing! How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay.

Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.
Veronica Corningstone: Really.
Ron Burgundy: People know me.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, I'm very happy for you.
Ron Burgundy: I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Ron Burgundy: 1001, 1002, 1003.
Veronica Corningstone: Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you asked me to come by, sir.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, did I?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes.
Ron Burgundy: Ohh, it's the deep burn! Oh, it's so deep! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.

Angry Biker: What do you love?
Ron Burgundy: I love poetry, and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here.
Angry Biker: Well, now, guess what, this is happening.
[grabs Baxter]
Ron Burgundy: Excuse me... excuse me... what are you doing?
[biker punts Baxter over bridge]
Angry Biker: That's how I roll!

Ron Burgundy: I'm in a glass case of emotion!

Brian Fantana: Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom!
Champ Kind: It is anchor*man*, not anchor*lady*! And that is a scientific fact.
Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about!
Brian Fantana: You're with us, Ron, what do you think?
Ron Burgundy: [shouting] She... Sh... It's terrible! She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon!

Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.
Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
Ron Burgundy: No. No.
Veronica Corningstone: No, that's - that'