Different Drummers - Please Understand Me II

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.
Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.
Or yet if I act,or fail to act,in the manner of your design for action, please let me be.
I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me.
That will come only when you are willing to give up trying to changing me into a copy of you.
If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right -- for me.
To put up with me is the first step to understanding me.
Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness.
And one day perhaps, in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.
I may be your spouse, your parent, your offsping, your friend, or your colleague. But whatever your relation is, this i know, you and i are fundamentally different, and both of us have to march to our own drummer.

..

I want a dyke for president. I want a person with aids for president and i want a fag for vice president and i want someone with no health insurance and i want someone who grew up in a place where the earth is so saturated with toxic waste that they didn't have a choice about getting leukemia. I want a president that had an abortion at sixteen and i want a candidate who isn't the lesser of two evils and i want a president who lost their last lover to aids, who still sees that in their eyes every time they lie down to rest, who held their lover in their arms and knew they were dying. I want a president with no air conditioning, a president who has stood on line at the clinic, at the dmv, at the welfare office and has been unemployed and layed off and sexually harrassed and gaybashed and deported. I want someone who has spent the night in the tombs and had a cross burned on their lawn and survived rape. I want someone who has been in love and been hurt, who respects sex, who has made mistakes and learned from them. I want a black woman for president. I want someone with bad teeth and an attitude, someone who has eaten that nasty hospital food, someone who crossdresses and has done drugs and been in therapy. I want someone who has committed civil disobedience. And i want to know why this isn't possible. I want to know why we started learning somewhere down the line that a president is always a clown; always a john and never a hooker. Always a boss and never a worker, always a liar always a thief and never caught.

Do you ever wake up and just think '..whats the point?'
like honestly.
I mean i know i'm more probably more screwed up than most of yous can even think of.
But i'm only wondering. I almost relapsed a few days ago..and i can't really be bothered with stuff right now cos too much stuff is going on. Usual stuff..you know? But when you hide it, and it all piles up on your shoulders, then one tiny thing just makes it all come crashing down? Well like that. Friends, family, relationships, getting chucked out, the past, the present, the future. Not knowing whats going to happen, never knowing what has happened in some cases. Depression isn't fun. Psychologists aren't fun. Hospitals aren't fun either. Sometimes i really don't get what the point in living is...cos it really seems like there is no hope left. Especially when you've lost your faith in everyone you know, and everyone you thought cared for you. In humanity. Most of you don't know what it feels like to wake up exhausted and empty, and just feel totally hollow inside. Getting haunted constantly by all the crap that happened when you were a kid, and never ever being able to live a normal happy life cos of it. Constant play backs in your head, constant mind games, constant screw-ups. You are not me. You dont live my life. and you dont know what its like to be me. So before you judge me...just dont. If you've never spoken to me before and are reading this right now i sound like a cow right? I just mean this for the people that constantly judge and prejudice against me. I know this makes no sense to most people but to me, it does. I don't understand why people are so selfish. People get caught up in the drama of this world too much. One thing i really really don't get...most of the people i know, are so very materialistic, so very selfish, so very naive. Most of us will be like 'okay but i want this one', but inside, you know you could've stepped back and let the other person have it, or choose. But these ones i know, honestly dont care, and don't see anything wrong with being selfish and they care more about items, than friendship, relationships, love, other people. Say your house catches on fire? and everything you own is ruined...what the hell are you gonna have left? If you're so so so materialistic, that you care about your posessions more than your friends. You are gonna end up alone. Basically this has turned into one big rant. But whatever, no one listens to me when i talk. Not that i expect folk to read this..still. There is SO much going on in the world right now. But not many people seem to care. I do. And i'm the one that gets called weird for it? Dont think so mate. I care about the drug addicts, and the alcoholics, and the self harmers, and the homeless, and the animals, and the ill people, and the depressed people, the trees, the plants and the world. I don't really care what you think of me. This has elapsed to something it was not meant to be. But it's actually shocking, how many people i know, only care about their little group of friends, and what new shoes they're gonna get, and what new iPod they want. When so many people are suffering and they don't even give them people a thought.
I dont know why i went off track but i did. This war is stupid. It's not even bloody legal. Prejudice is stupid. Homophobia is stupid and no, i don't care about your bible arguments, please get your facts right before you try and impose your religion on me and show me that "it's a sin" thankyouplease. Discrimination is wrong. Violence is wrong.
This government is failing people daily. Hourly even. It's bloody pathetic.
Anyway yeah, i almost relapsed a few days ago, almost got tipped over the edge, knowing i got kicked out my own house, half my family hate me, and i'm dead to them, that actually not many people even give a shit. I don't know what keeps me strong but its something. Aaronn Shandie maybe. Just cos of what he taught me, and what he made me promise him. That i wou