1 Who are you?.......
2. Are we friends?........
3. When and how did we meet?........
4. Do you hav a crush on me?.........
5. Have you ever wanted to punch me?........
6. Give me a nickname and explain why?........
7. Describe me in 1 word........
8. What was ur first impression of me?.......
9. Do u still think the same?......
10. What reminds u of me?.....
11. If you could give me anything wat wud it b?......
12. How well do u no me?......
13. Whens the last time u saw me?.....
14. Ever wanted 2 tell me sumthing u couldnt?......

Officer Slater: Alright now guys, check this out... probably the greatest move in donut-spinning history, you paying attention? Behold the upward spiraling pigtail!
Officer Michaels: Why is it called that?
Officer Slater: I dont know!
Officer Michaels: Make the badge proud Slater! He's not usually this drunk when he does this, but I think that could make it more cool.

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Fogell: Can I hold your gun?
Officer Slater: (Pauses for a moment)...Yeah sure I don't see why not.
Officer Michaels: I think everyone should hold a gun at least twice.

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Becca: You have such a smooth cock!
Evan: Yeah, you would too... if you were a man.

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[From trailer]
Officer Slater: McLovin?
Officer Michaels: That's such a cool name.
Officer Slater: I know.
Officer Michaels: It sounds like a sexy hamburger.

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McLovin: What's it like to have guns?
Officer Michaels: It's like having two cocks... if one of your cocks could kill someone!

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Becca: Mmmm, I'm so wet!
Evan: Yeah... they told us that would happen in health class...

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[Looking at an adult magazine]
Seth: Oh fuck me...
Evan: Look at those nipples...
Seth: They look like little baby toes.
Evan: It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get.
Seth: Y'know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it and it feels awesome! I almost blew a load in my bellybutton.

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Seth: [referring to Evan's mother] I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby.
Evan: Yeah, well, at least you got to suck on your dad's dick.

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[Watching the police cruiser burn]
Fogell: Can we shoot it?
Officer Michaels: I dunno.
[Offers Fogell his gun]
Officer Michaels: Can you?
[Fogell shoots out a window]
Fogell reak yo' self fool!
[Fogell empties the rest of the magazine at the car in a frenzy]
Fogel: Tight...
Jules: Seth, are you crying?
Seth: No I just have something in both my eyes...

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Fogel: I got a boner!
Nicola: Ha ha good. Do you have a condom?
Fogel: Yes...and lube!

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[Breaking up the party]
Slater: Oh no, it's the cops!
Michaels: Get the hell outta here right now...
Slater': Get outta here pal she's not interested...
Michaels: Drop the crantini and move it, sister...
Slater: See ya sugar tits!

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Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.

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Seth: I can get you guys alcohol.
Jules: Really? Seriously?
Seth: Yes, for sure.
Jules: That would be awesome. Thank you. You know, because we're worried about that. That would be great. Plus, you know, you scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well, Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it's located on my cock

Paul O' Connell
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Paul O’Connell instead decided
to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
beard.

Paul O’Connell sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled rugby playing ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Paul O’Connell dump-tackled the devil and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.

Paul O’Connell does not sleep. He waits.

Paul O’Connell built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Paul O’Connell caught all three bullets in his teeth. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Paul O’Connell smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
Lance Armstrong.

Paul O’Connell is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Paul O’Connell is pain.

Paul O’Connell doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

If you can see Paul O’Connell, he can see you. If you can't see Paul O’Connell
you may be only seconds away from death.

Paul O’Connell won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the
living sh*t out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game
forfeited.

Paul O’Connell was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"TOUGH". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous
of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
Paul O’Connell omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of spear tackle related deaths.

Paul O’Connell can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
"booya".

When Paul O’Connell sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Paul O’Connell has
not had to pay taxes ever.

Paul O’Connell lost his virginity before his dad did.

Paul O’Connell once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first
45 minutes making love to his waitress.

Paul O’Connell' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Paul O’Connell does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability
of failure. Paul O’Connell goes killing.

As a teen Paul O’Connell impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in
the hill of Tara. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the Meath team of 1988, the toughest team in GAA history.

Paul O’Connell counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Paul O’Connell.

A blind man once stepped on Paul O’Connell' shoe. Paul O’Connell replied, "Don't you
know who I am? I'm Paul O’Connell!" The mere mention of his name cured this
man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was
a fatal spear tackle delivered by Paul O’Connell.

Paul O’Connell's sperm are so persuasive, he once impregnated a man.


A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped
people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Paul O’Connell and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Someone once tried to tell Paul O’Connell that spear tackles aren't the
best way to tackle someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst
mistake anyone has ever made.

If you look in a mirror and say "Paul O’Connell" three times, he will appear
and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Paul O’Connell.

Paul O’Connell once saw a "DO NOT WALK ON THE GRASS" sign. He stared at the
grass u