In the exciting vein of such great attractions as PAISLEY SCOTT ( http://www.bebo.com/paisleyscott ) and GINA ARDITO ( http://www.ginaardito.com ), I am following the line and submitting my THURSDAY THIRTEEN.

Using such advanced tools as GOOGLE... and SEARCH... I will now look up just what, exactly, Hunter Hates for this Thursday Thirteen. And if I know Hunter, he hates some really good stuff. Let's go to the tapes!

1. Hunter Hates Sea-Creatures. (But he LOVES Sea-Monkeys!)

2. Hunter Hates Being Stacy's Mom. (It's uhh... really complicated. And quite possibly a television show from the early 90s)

3. Hunter Hates Feeding Bugs To His Lizard. (Hey now, get your mind out of the gutter!)

4. Hunter Hates YOU! (And your damn hippie hairstyles!)

5. Hunter hates communist, and will not be helping them achieve their desired superpower status. (Damn it! Now they'll NEVER win!)

6. Hunter Hates Golfing (But he does rent golf carts to drive around on the course all day asking people if they know what time lunch is served and if they have any spare Euros)

7. Hunter Hates his "job" (The quotes are to signify that the job he hates is the one everyone is supposed to think he has, since secretly he's a master ninja working for a wealthy Welsh farmer to end a decades-long feud between two families and allow the true-love relationship of their offspring to flourish!)

8. Hunter Hates your AR-15. So take that. (It's either a tax form, some sort of surgical implement, or a gun. In some circles, it could be all three.)

9. Hunter Hates the animals he shoots! (And that is why he's not fixing them dinner instead.)

10. Hunter Hates nazi trance. (But pinko commie techno is just fine!)

11. Hunter Hates his wobbly bottom. (It attracts the wrong "element")

12. Hunter Hates getting killed while hunting. (Yeah. It really sucks.)

13. Hunter Hates the car seat. (It's really uncomfortable, and it makes it difficult to press all the pedals. Hunter does like honking the horn though!)

I also don't have to know you to NOT like you! Now that's great!

True American spirit. Welcome to the land of Freedom. Where the bankroll is king and sex is the queen. Have one and you have both! Have neither, and you need chocolate!

It's great to be here, to those of you sitting in the close seats, thanks - really. I'll be here all week! How 'bout I take some requests?

Yes, you with the orange leisure suit shirt and plaid slacks?

Whatcha mean "Shut Up"? Why Shut Up when I can Get Down! Oww!

Note from the Editor: The views expressed by Hunter Cole, for Hunter Cole, and because of Hunter Cole, are expressly Hunter Cole's and do not reflect Hunter Cole in any form whatsoever. Clear?