So I have been going out now with Larry for one month and three days. I'm really happy with him. The only problem at the moment is that I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. I feel like it is all my fault. I'm busy with theatre, and he is busy with work, but he got sick yesterday. I can't drive, but if I could, I would totally be with him. I would have ditched theatre, and school just to be with him until he got better. I don't care, I would be willing to die for Larry. I think I'm in love, but I don't want to say anything just in case he doesn't feel the same way. Yes, I'm emo, and I'm willing to admit it, but I am suppose to be recovering. It's a long hard recovery. I was almost to a month for being clean of cuts that were intentional, at least I was. Today, I cut my legs, that way nobody could find them and my mom won't put me in rehab. Because if my mom put me in rehab, I wouldn't get to see Larry, and then I would really be trying to kill myself. I'm soo happy with Larry, but I feel like a real bitch because I can't do anything to make him feel better, I can't be with him. It is the main reason that I cut myself in the first person. He is such an amazing guy, and I feel like a bitch and a jerk. I feel that I don't deserve someone as nice as him, but I'm not going to complain, I'm going to enjoy being with him, but when I can't be there for him, I'm going to feel like a selfish bitch. Is this right?

Soo yeah Theo broke up with me, not that it matters because I was going to dump him soon, he just beat me to the punch. So he breaks up with me and then so other guys,Vlad, was all over me and he thought that we were going out. I told him that I wasn't ready for another relationship and he texts me yesterday saying "Let me know when you are ready for another relationship." I was hoping to spare his feelings by telling him that I wasn't ready for another relationship. Obviously that didn't work because now he is waiting for me to let him know when I am ready to go with him. GRRRRRRR this is sooo frustrating because I am way too nice to tell anybody how I really feel about them and I end up dealing with something that I really don't like doing.

I am so happy, I mean I thought that I guy would never ask me out and then Theo asked me out I was soooooo shocked but happy ever scince, maybe everybody was right maybe I am beautiful, I just had to wait for a guy to get the courage to ask me out. Well that was three weeks ago... and we are still together, I don't know how long it will last,but theo is soooo sweet. Being in band we tend to get teased a little and one of the things is that everybody is always telling us to kiss, but Theo is very firm in telling them that he doesn't want to kiss. Which is kind of cool, because I really don't want to kiss yet, I'm not sure wether I reall y think this could work, so I find that extremly cool. Also, his hugs are so soft, it's really sweet. When We are hugging, it feels like I'm meant to be there in his arms and not in some other guy's arms or some other girl in his arms. Anyways I can't wait to see how long this will last, but I only hope that things will progress at a rate we are both comfortable with.