There was just not enough room in my pisses me off section for all my gripes regarding life so I will indeavor to blog them. Im hoping this will be cathartic experience for me and make me a more tolerant person out there in the world. So here goes, read on and I hope you enjoy;

Billy Midd on Pirate Dvd's

Pirate Dvds loved by the unemployed and tight fuckers who never want to pay for fuck all.

They will proudly boast " it's still on at the pictures" and " it only cost me £3 quid...fucking bargain".

Fucking bargain indeed!, truly a case of you get what you pay for! In my experience £3 quid will get you a Dvd case with a less than perfect photocopy of said films cover, and inside at what first appears to be a blank Dvd but you are informed that yes this disc does contain "Transformers the movie" by the scrawl across it in black permanent marker.

Then on viewing you discover that the piture quality is not that good in fact its shit and you can't really tell the Autobots from the Decepticon's, a problem you never had when you were seven! HD in these cases not standing for " High Defination " but in fact " Highly Dubious you will see all this movie clearly ".

Dolby Pro Logic Surround Sound is here in all its glory, yes you can hear all 360 degrees around the sneaky fucker filming it on his phone from somebody having a titanic struggle opening a bag of Minstrel's to some chick asking her boyfriend five minutes from the end of the film, " who's he? " of the hero charactor of the piece.

Then it happens! The holy Grail of pirate film the most amazing sought after feature, the cameo walk past from a random member of the audience. Yes 3 rows forward some cow who has just drunk 5 litres of Sprite ( why do we drink so much juice at the cinema, did we run there? ) gets up and obscures our already shitty piture with her urine filled silhouette to head for a pish.

So well done Mr Elasticated joggy pants on your purchase. You may not be able to fully see the state of the art special effects and stunts or hear all of the dialogue and you may miss the vital twist in the story but hey who cares you never bought it for any of that stuff, but rather " it only cost £3 quid...fucking bargain, that fella Oscar Nominated is in it he's in all the guid flick's ".

Me I like movies too much. If a film is crap I want to be able to blame the director, actors, script anything really anything but " Rab from doon the street who sell's knocked off film's at £3 quid a pop". " Fucking bargain! "