Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous séx addict interested in
a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club
and has been known to start fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock
in the morning.

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Donegal man, 50, in desperate need of a ríde. Anything considered.

------------------------------

Grossly overweight Louth turf-cutter, 42 years old, Gemini, seeks
nimble séx-pot, preferably South American, for tango sessions,
candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming pássion. Must have own
car and be willing to travel.

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Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for
the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

--------------------------
Artistic Clare woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach,
poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks
mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce
along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey.
Strong stomach essential.

--------------------------
Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shítty
after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes,
maybe more.

-------- ------------------
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bástard, living in a damp cottage in
the arsé end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady


with a lovely chest.

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Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed
super model, who owns her own brewery and has an open-minded twin
sister.

--------------------------
Following a sad recent loss, teetotal Tipperary man, 53, seeks
replacement Mammy. Must like biscuits and answer to the name Minnie.
Thurles area.

--------------------------
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime fiancée,
seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in
this cruel world of hatchet-faced bítches

> A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three
> likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to
> see what they do with the money.
>
> The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets
> her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up
> very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
> attractive for him because she loves him so much.
>
>
>
> The man was impressed.
>
>
>
>
> The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of
> golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.
> As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the
> money on him because she loves him so much.
>
>
> Again, the man is impressed.
>
>
>
>
> The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times
> the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a
> joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future
> because she loves him so much.
>
>
>
> Obviously, the man was impressed
>
>
>
>
> The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
> money he'd given her.
>
>
>
> Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
>
>
>
> Men are like that, you know.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I
just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who
I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was
almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with
excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go
to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel
like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch
knows I'm smarter than her.