1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and
eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the
score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.


10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel
..and it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Not negotiatable. Issue
closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything!.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e.
Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360. End of
story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
Ever.

Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and
kept the same tag-line...
> Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
> Tesco Condoms - every little helps
> Nike Condoms - Just do it.
> Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
>Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
>KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.
> Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
>Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.
> Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
> Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
> Duracell condoms - keep going and going.
> Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop
> Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
> Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide
> FCUK condoms - no comment required.
> Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain.
> Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
> Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
> Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
> Renault condoms - size really does matter!
> Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
> Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30
minutes
> Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!! (Eeeuww!!.....)
> Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
> Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world