As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research
help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January,
1990), I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into
Santa Claus.

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species
of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these
are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying
reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 1 in the world. BUT
since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish
and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the
total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an
average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8
million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in
each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he
travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to
822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian
household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to
park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the
stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back
into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each
of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth
(which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our
calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles
per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting
stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours,
plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second,
3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the
fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves
at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run,
tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.
Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego
set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting
Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land,
conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even
granting that "flying reindeer" (see point 1) could pull TEN TIMES
the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.
We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even
counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for
comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous
air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion
as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of
reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second.
Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously,
exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms
in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within
4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected
to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-
pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the
back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion:

If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

1. Whats your Name?
2. Are we close?
3. What do you think of me?
4. Do you hav a crush on me?
5. Would u kiss me?
6. would u fuk me?
7. Describe me in 3 words?
8. If u Had Me for 30 Mins wat would you do?
9. What was ur first impression of me?
10. Do u still think the same?
11.. What reminds u of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do u know me?
14. What do u like best about me?
15. Ever wanted 2 tell me something u could'nt?
16. Could you ever love me?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why?
18.R u gona put this on ur blog and c wat i say bout u?
19.Anything 2 say b4 u go?

1. Full Name: Matthew Thomas Joseph Brophy
2. Nicknames: Checkers, Matt, Mats, Brophy
3. Birthday: 14th February 1991
4. Place of Birth: London
5. Zodiac Sign: Aquarius
6. Male or female: male
7. Grade: 4th year
8. School: Sutton Park
9. Occupation: student
10. Residence: Malamuhide
11. MSN Screen Name: Checkers
12. Hair Colour: brown
13. Hair Length: short
14. Eye colour: blue
15. Weight: 10.5/11 stone
16. Height: 6'1 aww yeah
17. Braces? not any more
18. Glasses? nope
19. Piercings: none, thank god
20. Tattoos: nope
21. Righty or Lefty: righty
___Your 'Firsts'___

22. First best friend: Marc
23. First Award: dunno, i think some swimming class completion or something when i was like 4
24. First Sport You Joined: football
25. First pet: a fish. woop
26. First Real Vacation: emm, either Spain or France
27. First Concert: boyzone I think! lol
28. First Love: well now...

___ Favourites___

29. Movie: Probably The Shawshank Redemtion or The Green Mile
30. TV programme: South Park or Family Guy
31. Colour: green
32. Rapper: meh, don't really like them
33. Band: Tenacious D
34. Song Right Now: Master Explorer by the D
35. Friend: ah come on! that's not fair!
36. Sweet: emmm, probably... Wine gums?
37. Sport to Play: football
38. Restaurant: anywhere with good steaks! mmm, steak...
39. Favourite brand: i dont really give a shit what brand i wear! as long as it shows off my perfectly sculpted physique, lol
40. Store: *see above answer*
41. School Subject: maths
42. Animal: probablt the cheetah, i love fast stuff!
43. Book: ooo i love loads of books!
44. Magazine: nRevolution
45. Shoes: the ones u put on ur feet?

___Currently___

46. Feeling: a bit annoyed
47. Single or Taken? single, sniff...
48. Have a crush: maaaaybe
49. Eating: nothin, just had dinner. i am kinda hungry though...
50. Drinking: water
51. Typing: yea, what? What a fucking stupid question!
52. Online? again, see above answer.
53. Listening To: Tenacious D
54. Thinking About: lots o stuff. particular members of the opposite sex and music mostly.
55. Wanting To: hehehe
56. Watching: the screen
57. Wearing: Newcastle jersey and cords

___Your Future___

58. Want Kids? yea, don't know how many though!
59. Want to be married? yea
60. Careers in Mind: engineer probably
61. Where do you want to live: don't really mind. as long as it's nice!
62. Car: ah something nice enough

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___

63. Hair colour: whatever!
64. Hair length: preferably at least ear length!
65. Eye colour: ah don't really mind
66. Measurments: smaller than me
67. Cute or Sexy: sexy i guess?
68. Lips or Eyes: eyes
69. Hugs or Kisses: both, whatever suits the moment!
70. Short or Tall: not too small, but not taller than me. gotta keep my maculinity!
71. Easygoing or serious: easygoing
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: eh, a bit of both
73. Fatty or Skinny: in the middle
74. Sensitive or Loud: in the middle
75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationhship
76. Sweet or Caring: lol in the middle again!
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: in the middle

___Have you ever______

78. Kissed a Stranger: yup
79. Had Alcohol: yup
80. Smoked: yup
81. Ran Away From Home: i tried once and made it for about 4 minutes. got hungry i guess
82. Broken a bone: yup, two
83. Got an X-ray: yup
84. Been with someone: yup
85. Broken Someone’s Heart: don't really know. i'd like to think someone likes me that much though!
86. Broke Up With Someone: yup
87. Cried When Someone Died: i think so...
88. Cried At School: i don't think so...

___Do You Believe In___

89. God: kind of
90. Miracles: meh, sort of
91. Love At first site? yea
93. Aliens: well not any more!
94. Soul Mates: yea
95. Heaven: well i like the idea but i don't know if it exists...
96. Hell: eh, dunno really
97. Angels: meh
98. Kissing on The First Date: yea! lol
99. Horoscopes: no, it's all bullshit!

___Answer Truthf