hey pplz sorry it's been so long. i had an asshole boyfriend that didn't let me on the internet but guess what i broke up with him and now im all alone lol. so talk to me

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.


2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.


3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.


6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.


7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.


8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.


9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

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10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.


EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?


Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?


Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?


Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?


Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?


Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?


Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?


When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?


Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??


Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:


On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).


On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?


On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)


On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!


On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)


On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)


On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)


On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)


On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)


On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)


On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)


On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Ste

10.This is to the girls that are in love with
a guy that doesn`t love them back, that`s tired
of relationships & broken hearts, but that
are tired of the meaningless hookups &
just want the real thing.

11.I missed you then but fuck you now
I'm better than ever and happier than before
and it's all because i'm not dealing with your shit no more

12.If he says he loves you and you're heart doesn't skip a beat, don't say it back, because it isn't true

13.I`d like to give a round of applause
to all the men in my life..thank you
for reminding me that even though
I thought the male race wasn`t so bad,
it actually is.