1) The GAA player who played in front of 80,000 at the weekend will be
teaching your children, selling you meat or fixing your drains on Monday
morning. The soccer player who plays in front of 80,000 will be moaning
about playing too many games and will be trying to sell you his
personalised brand of leisure wear

2) GAA nicknames are better. Soccer players just add a Y to their surnames

3) Dublin vs Meath is a real derby. What does Utd. Vs City mean to
Ronaldo or Sibierski

4) How many soccer players does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer
eleven. One to stick it in and ten to surround and kiss him after he does
it

5) Soccer players go to the papers after a game. GAA players go to the
pub

6) John Terry would run a mile if he came up against Francie Bellew

7) GAA teams are numbered 1-15. A soccer team reads like the lottery
results

All soccer players wear shin pads. Some hurlers wear helmets

9) Television runs soccer. Schoolteachers run the GAA

10) The GAA is about where you're from. Soccer is about who you like

11) No segregation at GAA games

12) No soccer team has a nickname quite as lovely as the Fighting Cocks of
Carlow

13) Bubble perms never made it to Croke Park

14) A scoreless draw in the GAA would be quite a novelty

15) Roman Abramovich can buy the League. You can't buy Sam!!

HOLLY -- e.g. "I gave it holly"---I put a fair bit of effort into it.

B0LLIX----Pat Spillane or any kerry players or supporters

MIGHTY---Very good

HAMES---A right ****e-e.g.-"He made a hames of that chance"

TIMBER---Intimidation of a hurling opponent - e.g.- "Show him some timber"

LAMP----A good thump---e.g.-"I swung for the sliotar, missed by 3 feet and lamped the full back"

A CROWD---A gathering of people who watch a match and hope for random acts
of violence -e.g-Meath supporters

SCHKELP---To remove living tissue in the absence of surgical procedures -- e.g. "That whore from Tipp took a schkelp outta me leg"

HATCHET MAN---Mountainy type, uses hunter/gatherer instincts

BULLIN'---Angry-e.g-"The centre half was bullin' after I lamped him"

BULL THICK---Very angry-e.g.-"The centre half was bull thick after I lamped him again"

JOULT---A push-e.g.-"I gave him ! a joult and he has to wear a neck brace for 2 weeks"

THE COMM-A-TEEE---Local GAA bullshitters in general

BUSHTED---An undefined soreness-e.g.-"Jayz me arm is bushted"

THE BOMBER---Popular name for a fat hairy GAA player

A HANG SANGWIDGE---Consumed with "tay" on the sides of roads after matches in Croker or Thurles, usually contains half a pound of butter

RAKE-A great amount of anything, usually pints of Guinness the night before an important match

INDANAMAJAYSUS (in-da-nama-Jaysus)--! -What was that for referee?

YA B0LLIX YA---Corner back's formal recognition of a score by his opponent

LEH-IT-IN-TA-FcuK-WUD-YA---Full forwards appeal to a midfielder for a more timely delivery of the pass

MULLOCKER---Untidy or awkward player released for matches

BURST THE B0LLIX---Instructions from the sideline to tackle your man

ROW---Disagreement involving four or more players

MASSIVE ROW---Disagreement involving both teams, including goalies, substitutes and supporters jumping fences

ALL-HELL-BROKE-LOOSE---A massive row that continues out in the parking area or
dressing room areas, usually resolved by the Gardai

You know you are a GAA shaper when...........

You wear white boots

You are the only guy with tanned legs on the team in April

You put gel in your hair before the game

You have bleached hair or a pony-tail

You have to get a hair cut before every match

You wear your collar up to your ears

You have at least one life threatening injury per game

You hang around outside the dressing room after a match (still togged out) looking for people to tell you how good you played

You warm up looking into the crowd

You wear the latest range in thigh supports, knee bandages, etc when in reality there's shag all wrong with you.

You sulk every time you lose, you blame the pitch, the wind, the sun, the ball etc, if you miss a chance (above all it was not your fault)

You complain that the backs never play good ball to you (you are always a forward because they score (backs get no glory), probably wing or corner (because you can pick up a handy score there and also wave to the crowd)) and if the selectors knew anything (which they don't) they would make you captain.

You insist on making yourself available for 2 championship matches on the same day

You threaten to quit the team cause the manager won't pick your brother

You make your own speech in the dressing room after the captain and mentors have made their speeches.

You leave in two soft goals...one dropped out of your hand....and you complain of a shoulder injury when trying to puck out the next couple of balls

You wear white boots, white socks a white helmet with a white club jersey.