When I say... "I am a Christian"...

...I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

...I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

...I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

...I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

...I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

...I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.


I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's grace, Somehow.

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair.

Now, open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on a table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in the very small print there is a statement, "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,
"I am so glad I do not work in the Thermometer quality control Dept. at Johnson & Johnson."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS

Reasons to be proud of being British

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain or possibly America... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we buy hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight.

Only in Britain... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.



And Yes, it gets better

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9V battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.


and finally.........


In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the loo.

So hold your head up high.