The International Council Of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing.

9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink
as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360 End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smel

1.HAVE U EVER BEEN GIVEN ENGAGEMENT RING? no
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP? almost 2 years
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? 6 dozen red roses
4. HAVE YOU EVER DROPPED YOUR MOBILE PHONE? Regularly, I'm quite Clumsy!
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? This morning-Running and Sit Ups. Impressive!
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? Dresses, fashionmagazines and CD's
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX: if they are funny!
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG? "Always" Bon Jovi. Super massive Power Ballad, YAAASSS!
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? Dumfries, City of Dreams
11. SCHOOLS YOU ATTENDED: Loreburn primary, Dumfries high school
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER: Why on earth do people wanna know that?!
13. FAVORITE SHOP STORE: Ebay!
14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD: 4 years!
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF FURRY DICE? Yes, i'm pimpin Pedro the Punto.
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?: just to hear anothers humans voice.
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY: Elise, just cos she's an excitable person and I'd reach Laura too. 2in1 call. spread the joy!
19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND: Christmas Eve. I was wasted and she was foamy.
20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: Don't like fast food, unless starbucks counts!
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD: Cows have eyebrows.
24. CAN YOU COOK? yes! I rock! you want a meal, come to Chels!
26. BEST KISSER: ahahaha! cant answer that, they know who they are though!
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: tuesday, I was watching a chick flick and had major PMS!
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: How I laugh all the time.
30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: My weight. Major issues with that likes!
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?: 16 and a half hours! BRING. IT. ON!!!!
33. FAVORITE MOVIE?: Don't have one.
34. CAN YOU SING?: yes, all the time in the shower and when on Singstar!
35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?: Bon Jovi live at Hampden. Retro!
36. LAST KISS? They Know who they are.
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED: I Just borrow off my friends.
38. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT: Clothes.
39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT?: Dublin. I know its not that far likes!
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?: laptopius
44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?: Franky Doyle
46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?: Boxers and a Shirt! yay!
47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT: Noone, just me, my big bed and my 9 pillows!
48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?: If you put int he effort.
49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?: 3.
50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?: Pancakes! with coffee and Bacon.
51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?: Yes! But it makes me shake and then get really excited!
52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?: poached or fried.
53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?: Yes, I realise that makes me a bit weird.
54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:My Mum i think....
55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?: elise
56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED?: Nicola
58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?: 9! They take up more room than I do!
59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: Black Jumper, Green Mini and black ballet pumps. Rocking the 60s vibe today likes!
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC: "I wanna touch you but you want it too much, I wanna kiss you but my senses tell me to stop..."
61. WHAT KIND OF JAM DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR TOAST?: Don't really eat toast
62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?: the greater the amount of alcohol consumed, the greater my ability to play pool. feel free to ask me to test this theory!
63. CAN YOU SWIM?: Like a mermaid!
64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:Choc caramel and marshmallow.
65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?: Do they like me?
66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I claw with my fingers like a cat when I'm curled up and happy.

was out over the weekend with my friends and we were laughin about all the random things the drunk people around us were doing and saying and i couldnt help but wonder what everyone does when there drunk. heres a list of random things iv done or said when drunk and i think im gonna update it alot.

*falling into hedges
*scaffolding gladiators
*posing on parked motorbikes
*creating random songs with my friends ie. the toilet door in your face song
*insisting my mum is the red haired one from abba
*deciding that the stage in jumpin jaks would just look so much better if i danced on it.... then i fell off. backwards.
*bein sure i could do the moonwalk.
*car running. in stilletos. when its icy. i slid off and cut my knee.
*trying to climb over every busshelter i could when i saw one.
*taking a cat in the taxi with me and letting it out at heathhall.
*thinking noone would notice if was to drink there drinks too.
*rfalling down the stairs in jaks.
*crawling along the high street singing about the pineapple chapel.
*meeting a guy with long white hair and a long white beard and askin if he was god.
*getting my picture taken with god.
*The Viper of Trance. nuff said.
*The love of Girrafes in my drink. they can swim you know!

feel free to add to my list!