I'm just writing to comment on Fern's going public with her sexual assault. She mentioned she wondered if that man had assaulted other people and that she should have gone to the police.
It's not reassuring, but I know from my own experience and other friends who have also been raped, whether someone goes to the police or not makes no difference - even if the criminals are illegally in that country whilst committing the crime and you provide proof of that!
The police don't care and would rather deal with burglaries and drugs except in circumstances where the rape victim is being repeatedly abused and suffers brain injuries as in the case of a friend. - and of course it's too late by then.

That's my rant about the world, but who cares.... unfortunately not the people who have the power to anything...

Still I look around me, and there is no help for victims/survivors of rape.

I expected that there would have been some massive charity set up by now that is actually able to help people efficiently. I thought that just as I had started to set up my own charity or whatever it would have all been in vein since some massive organisation with expert people etc would leave me with nothing...

but now I want to make a move - forget the doubts - forget the people telling me im not qualified .. I'm not trying to be qualified or professional, I'm not trying to counsel people better... I'm just trying to BE HERE whether you want me to be or not :p

I unfortunately missed a conference in cambridge about the rape crisis centres and other related issue but I hope to be going to more of these things - there's one coming up at Anglia Ruskin about Human Rights and there will be a speaker looking at womens violence etc.

I would like to encourage for others who are interested to also attend similar conferences near them and share what you have learnt with others

Take care! x

I’ve known for a while now that since March I have let what happened affect me, my friendships, relationship and the way I live…. even control the way I’ve been living my life.

Before the rape I suppose I’ve always had ups and downs with my confidence and self-esteem or self-worth.

I keep hearing people talking about “taking care of yourselves” … and I’m always wishing and telling people to take care of themselves… but actually today my counsellor hit the nail on the spot – it’s the taking care of your safety which is forgotten by some who have been raped or assaulted in other ways.

At the same time of being terrified about trusting that people walking around me will not suddenly change on me, or of how I’ll react if I think a man is looking at me etc etc… I also want to confront my fears… I want to live my everyday life like what was normal to me before, and I want my thoughts and imaginings to be proven wrong – even though in trying to do so, it has left me panicking during the day down a long alley-way and threatening to shove my umbrella up a guys arse after he whistled at me.

I want to look after my safety; I don’t want to give another person a slight chance of controlling me or doing what they please with me. But when I want to prove myself wrong in the most obvious ways, I am not looking after my safety.

In a way this leads onto other people stepping over personal boundaries – something that until my counsellor talking about it today I had never thought of. I have a lot of thinking to do obviously, so I’m not sure what I can write about it that might be of help to others too but I found this webpage - http://www.joy2meu.com/Personal_Boun... which begins:

"The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves. That we have not only the right, but the duty to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us."

That also neatly sums up the conversation I had with my counsellor when I told her that I would rather avoid people than to tell them that they’re making me feel uncomfortable – whether they are a stranger to me or not.


The following isn’t an accurate account of a conversation we had, but I’ve written it for me to remember and to give others something to think about too;

“What would you do if a stranger did make you feel uncomfortable?”

“Well, I’d probably walk away, I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling them that they’re behaviour is making me feel uncomfortable.”

“If you did tell them they were making you feel uncomfortable, what would worry you?”

“Their reactions, they might see that I’m vulnerable if they didn’t realise it before, and pick on that, or become annoyed and aggressive.”

“and if they did become aggressive, or stalk you for example?”

“I don’t know…”

“You should call the police…”

“Even if they didn’t do anything? I might just call the police at their local number, I’ve never used an emergency number.”

“Why would you want to wait around for anything to happen? … Whatever the police’s opinions of the incident are, it is your safety that is important…and if you are in fear then it should be an emergency.”



A lot of the time I am consumed by fear and self-worthlessness, but despite how I’m feeling I need to remember to take care of my safety, and I hope others will too – because trying to prove your fears wrong and meaningless can put you in more dangerous situations – fears are never meaningless, they need to be handled properly and by a professional I suppose  (which isn’t me either!)

Some might think I’m taking drastic measures, but these things have helped slightly for me to feel that I’m doing