Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It\'s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.

Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven\'t met!

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that\'s where your supposed to wash vegetables.

Q. What\'s a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!

Q. Why don\'t blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.

Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized

Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom

Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.

Q. What\'s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!

Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes

Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.

Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can\'t find her pencil.

Q. What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
A. They both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q. What\'s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.

Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.

Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.

Q. Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A. So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: \"Fun fun fun worry worry worry\"
A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry....

Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. Because they both drip when they\'re fucked!

Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A. \"Way to go team!\"

Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL

Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.

Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You get to park in the handicap zone.

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant

Q. What\'s the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?

Q. What\'s the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.

Q. What do blondes and cow shit have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.

Q. What\'s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!

Q. What does a blonde say the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!

Q. What do smart blondes and UFO\'s have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.

Q. What\'s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A. They know how many went down on the Titanic.

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.

Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.

Sweatin\' like a paedophile in a Barney suit.
Sweating like a nun in a field full of cucumber.
As mad as a box of frogs.
Mad as a bag of badgers

Jaysis shes a set of milkers on her that would feed a mart.
No show pony but would do for a ride around the house.
Jaysus, she could breastfeed a creche.
I\'d crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.

I\'m so horny I\'d get up on the crack of dawn.
Ive a horn on me that would bait pavorriti away from a pizza.
Ive a horn on me that would bait a donkey out of a quarry.
Me mickeys so hard id club a whale.
A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard.
I left her with a face like a painters radio.

Shes a face like a chewed toffee.
Shes a cu*nt like a wizards sleeve.
She had a face on her like a well slapped a*se.
She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn.
As fit as a butcher\'s dog.
She \' s got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Not even the tide would take her out.
Mother Teresa wouldn\'t kiss her.
Daz wouldn\'t shift her.
Des Kelly wouldn\'t lay her.
A sniper wouldn\'t take her out.
Jaysus, ya wouldn\'t ride her into battle.
If I\'d a bag of bruised willies I wouldn\'t give her one.
She has a face on her like a bulldog that\'s just licked p*ss off a nettle.
She wouldn\'t get a kick in a stampede.
She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab.
If I\'d a garden full of mickeys I wouldn\'t let her look over the wall.
Give her a boot in the hole and a bucket of mickeys would fall out of her.

Im so sick id nearly get into bed with me sister.
I\'m as sick as a small hospital.
I\'m as sick as a plane to Lourdes.

That lad would drink tar from a Wellington boot.
As tight as a nun\'s knickers.
He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup.
He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician.
What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt.

Im so hungry id ate a tinkers toenails.
Im so hungry id eat a horse and chase the jockey.
I\'m so hungry I\'d eat a small child.

He\'s so camp, he sh1te tent pegs.
Your\' re as welcome as a f*rt in a spacesuit.
My mouth\'s as dry as a nuns cr@ck.
I feel like a boiled sh1te (hungover).
(when leaving) I\'m off like a debs dress.

As funny as a burning orphanage.
As busy as the dalkey dole office.
Up and down like a hoor\'s knickers.

Did your mother find out who your father is yet?