Arsehole: Arrogant fucker

Banter: A conversation between 2 micks after a nite on d tiles

Craic: Not to be confused with 'crack cocaine' or bum crack, meaning some good aul irish fun

D4: Posh place in Dublin. The natural habitants are distinguised by the following criteria: Both male and female: Big backcombed head of hair,
Lashings of make-up and fake tan to resemble oompa loompa, dubes or uggs, Hoodie wit d letters UCD inscribed on it

Eejit: Stupid person what does stupid things. Commonly follows the work 'feckin' for effect e.g. ya no mick?, ye hes a feckin eejit

Feck: Off

Gaff: House, barn, shed

Horsebox: Dope of a man

John Smith: Theres at least 2million of em in Ireland, dont no d lad but hes always seems 2 come up in conversation...

Kelloggs: 5 bowls of the stuff nd ur lit

Locked: Following 10pints other descriptions include hammered, ossified, out of my box/tree, polluted, in a jocker, messy

Mick: A typical irish man from the bogs of the country, characterised by a head of flaming ginger hair and a thick culchie accent 'Gud man mick'

Newtownmountkennedy: Longest place name in Ireland

On the piss: Getting locked, piss is not actually consumed in the ritual

Pikey: Couch planter...travels round Ireland planting couches all over place...perhaps as a form of art or gardening?

Queer: Puff, Batty boy

Ronnie: A dead hamster on the upper lip

Skanger: Found on the northsoide streets of Dublin, kitted out from head 2 toe in lecoqsportif, noikey, burberry baseball cap at a 90degree angle, possess a ronnie and a fist full of soveirgn rings. Commonly called 'Anto', 'Deco', 'John Paul', 'Charleene'

Tea: Barrys...cuppa tae? Put ta kettle on

Useless: At sayin no 2 another pint

Vortex: A large black hole in Dunshaughlin, every weekend victims are sucked in and spat out in sum state...wit no clothes on

Well: Whats the craic?!

X: Good luck 2 ya

Yeiger Meister: 5 of em nd ul b laughin...about the fact dat ya avent projectile vomited yet

Zebedee: Come down from dat tree

Rules of Calling Shotgun
Stake your Claim: You must shout out "Shotgun" clearly and loudly. In order for this claim to be valid, at least one other member of the party must hear it.


Finish The Job: In order to establish a clearly-defined time frame for the calling of Shotgun, Shotgun can only be called after the event immediately preceding the car ride. This is can be going out to eat, or visiting a friend or whatever. This is to prevent someone from calling Shotgun for an upcoming trip far into the future. This I should mention is a severe sin.


Take It Outside: The calling of Shotgun can only take place outside. This defines the precise moment that time frame for the calling of Shotgun begins. In addition, you must be outside with the intention of walking to the vehicle and driving. The jingling of keys is usually a very good indication of this. Hearing the driver say "let's go" is another one.


No Barefoot: You must have your shoes on to call Shotgun. This is to prevent someone from just grabbing their shoes and running out the door to call Shotgun and then put on shoes.


Re-Entry: If you go outside and call Shotgun, and then go back in for any reason, your call of Shotgun becomes void, and can immediately be called by someone else.


Line-Of-Sight: In the event that the activity directly prior to the car-ride is outdoors, the vehicle must be completely in sight in order to call Shotgun.


Abandoning Your Post: If the person sitting in Shotgun leaves their seat for any reason, then Shotgun immediately becomes available for other passengers.

Exception: If the Shotgunner leaves his seat to allow other passengers to get into the vehicle or is running an errand for the driver, they retain their Shotgun position.


Hand-On-Door or Ass-In-Seat: If you manage to place your hand on the door of Shotgun or sit in Shotgun before anyone calls Shotgun, you are hereby granted Shotgun even if someone calls Shotgun afterwards.


Multiple Cars: If there are multiple cars involved, when calling Shotgun you must specify which car you are calling Shotgun for. For example, calling out the drivers name or the type of vehicle immediately following "Shotgun".


In-Context: Someone can only call Shotgun, in the actual context of calling Shotgun. Asking if someone has called Shotgun is not in itself a calling of Shotgun. Talking about Shotguns is also not

Im as sick as a small hospital
I'm so hungry I'd eat a small child
She had a face on her like a well slapped a*se
Your' re as welcome as a f*rt in a spacesuit
My mouth's as dry as a nun' s cr@ck
He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup
He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician
As funny as a burning orphanage
He's so camp, he shites tent pegs
I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes
I feel like a boiled sh1te (hung-over)
(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress
She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn
As busy as the Dalkey dole office
Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit
As tight as a nun's knickers
I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn
I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of
the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.
Up and down like a whore's knickers
No show pony but would do for a ride around the house
Did your mother find out who your father is yet?
What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt
I left her with a face like a painter' s radio
A Mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard!!
Jays us, she could breastfeed a crè che
As fit as a butcher's dog
She ' s got more chins than a Chinese phone book
Not even the tide would take her out
Mother Teresa wouldn' t 't kiss her
Daz wouldn't shift her
Des Kelly wouldn't lay her
A sniper wouldn't take her out
Jays us, ya wouldn't ride her into battle
If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one
She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked p*ss off a nettle
She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede
She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab
If I'd a garden full of Mickey' s I wouldn't let her in