On Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping." [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!]
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." [Evidently, the shoplifter special.]
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." [And that would be how?]
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." [But it's *just* a suggestion.]
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." [Oops, too late!]

On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." [As sure as night follows the day.]
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." [But wouldn't this save even more time?]
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

..rules..


We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side

Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don"t try to change that

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You"re a big girl. If it"s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don"t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It"s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That"s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1. If you think you"re fat, you probably are. Don"t ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing"s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

1. If you ask a question you don"t want an answer to, expect an answer you don"t want to hear

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

1. Don"t ask us what we"re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sport, or
Cars

1. You have enough clothes

1. You have too many shoes

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don"t mind that, it"s like camping

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education