Sheriff Lucas Buck: All guilt is relative. Loyalty counts. And never let your conscience be your guide.

Merlyn Temple: Someone's at the door!

Deputy Ben Healy: I'm sick of keepin' secrets, Lucas.
Sheriff Lucas Buck: Then leave that one alone, Ben. 'Cause the next time you go back there, you'll be stinkin' up the place yourself.

Caleb Temple: I ain't your son!
Sheriff Lucas Buck: Beg to differ.
Caleb Temple: I don't like trains, and I hate apple pie!
Sheriff Lucas Buck: Well... fine.
Caleb Temple: I hate you!
Sheriff Lucas Buck: And someday, we'll make that hate work for you.

Caleb Temple: I hate you!
Sheriff Lucas Buck: For now.

Caleb Temple: I smell a ghost.

Caleb Temple: I'm not like every little boy. I'm Lucas Buck's son.
Deputy Ben Healy: I know that...
Caleb Temple: So when I tell you to do something, you gonna do it, right?

[to Merlyn, who's a ghost]
Caleb Temple: I'm tired of your preaching. Tired of your white dress. And I don't wanna see you no more. So why don't you just go somewhere and decompose?

Caleb Temple: The Buck starts here.

Caleb Temple: They say you dream about the person who's gonna kill you.

Caleb Temple: This ain't right.
Sheriff Lucas Buck: Sure it is, boy. You're doing fine.
Caleb Temple: No, sir.

Deputy Ben Healy: Well, it's a grey gun. A grey gun.
Sheriff Lucas Buck: A ray gun?
Deputy Ben Healy: A grey gun, Lucas! It's a grey gun!

Deputy Ben Healy: What's going on here?
Sheriff Lucas Buck: Oh, all kinds of fun. Matter of fact... things are just getting good.

Deputy Ben Healy: Why do you think they call them "southern belles"?
Sheriff Lucas Buck: That's French, Ben. It means "beautiful."
Deputy Ben Healy: Oh yeah, I knew that. Four-alarm "belles."

Brian: You're late.
Sheriff Lucas Buck: And up until now, you were still on my good side.

Caleb Temple: Are you spying on me?
Sheriff Lucas Buck: Heck, no! That ain't my style.

[after hitting a guy with a shovel]
Sheriff Lucas Buck: These things have a thousand uses!

Sheriff Lucas Buck: A good loser is still a loser.

Sheriff Lucas Buck: Conscience is just the fear of getting caught.

Sheriff Lucas Buck: Too late for salvation my friend!

Merlyn Temple: Do you know what happens to dogs when they die, Caleb?
Caleb Temple: What happens to them?
Merlyn Temple: They get to run free all day long, and at the night times, they get to rest at the feet of their masters.

Caleb Temple: You ever read the Bible, Tina? They got the expression in there, "Eye for an eye." Sheriff Buck taught me that.

Lt. Drey: You always disturb evidence with such impunity, Buck?
Sheriff Lucas Buck: You always go around barkin' up the wrong tree, Drey?

Fr. Tilden: How did you get in here?
Sheriff Lucas Buck: Faith.

Gail Emory: Don't you give a damn about anything?
Sheriff Lucas Buck: Yeah. But not journalism.
Sheriff Lucas Buck: Cat got your pen?

Sheriff Lucas Buck: I could never imagine myself in what you call "love."

Sheriff Lucas Buck: I don't actually give; I deal. Are you ready to make a deal?

Sheriff Lucas Buck: I tell you what, I think that girl's pulling your string.
Caleb Temple: Well, I don't know what that means.
Sheriff Lucas Buck: You will.

Sheriff Lucas Buck: I've seen your future, Mel, and, uh...
[laughs]
Sheriff Lucas Buck: it's tragic.

Sheriff Lucas Buck: Leave the light on for me, will you, darlin'? I may wanna... tempt fate.

Sheriff Lucas Buck: Looks like Marlene did you right. She comes from a long line of backwoods nymphos.

Sheriff Lucas Buck: Maybe some monkey's running around Trinity doing his thing with bored housewives.

Sheriff Lucas Buck: Some folks would lay all of Trinity's troubles at my doorstep, but hell, you might as well blame a trailer park for attracting lightning bolts and tornadoes.

Sheriff Lucas Buck: The profession of journalism has about as much integrity as the wo

"You ever drunk Bailey's from a shoe?"

"Do you want to go to a club where people wee on each other?"

"I got all things that are good."

"It's attached to your rod, mother licker!"

"It's Old Gregg's vagina! I got a mangina!"

"You seen my downstairs mix-up."

"I'm Old Gregg!"

"Bailey's. Mmm... creamy. Soft creamy beige."

"Make an assessment."

"Yes sir, thank ya sir!"

"Easy now my fuzzy little man peach"

"Some say he's half-man, half-fish, but some say he is more of a 70-30 split; whatever the percentage he's one fishy bastard."

"Some say Old Gregg is like a.. a big fish finger. But big like as in a garage. Imagine a fish finger as big as a garage!"

"And this ones as close as you can get to Baileys without gettin' your eyes wet."

My mommy's getting married !

They've finally set a date, its November 28th a Friday.
Details will follow but yall are invited to the party - you know who you are !