1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys when
they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies
toilet.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: Code 3
in Housewares... and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.

6. Move a 'CAUTION -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you
are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the
bedding Department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why
can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your
nose.

10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are located.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme
from Mission Impossible.

12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say:
"PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and
assume the foetal position and scream "NO! ........It's those voices
again!!!"

And last but not least:

14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then?yell
loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here."

Twas was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
The stockings were hung by the chimney with careNot a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Awayway to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!

Ass dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
Up to the house-top the coursers they flew So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

Hee was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

TheA wink of his eye and a twist of his headhe stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

Hee spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

>>SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.

>>

>>COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some

>>milk.

>>

>>FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

>>

>>NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

>>

>>BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks

>>the

>>other, then throws the milk away...

>>

>>TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

>>Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on

>>the income.

>>

>>SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take

>>harmonica lessons

>>

>>AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the

>>other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to

>>analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

>>

>>ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to

>>your

>>publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your

>>brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an

>>associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax

>>exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred

>>via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the

>>majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your

>>listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows,

>>with an

>>option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United

>>States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the

>>release. The public buys your bull.

>>

>>THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

>>

>>A FRENCH CORPORATION:

>>You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the

>>roads,

>>because you want three cows.

>>

>>A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are

>>one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

>>You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market

>>it

>>worldwide.

>>

>>A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they

>>live

>>for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

>>

>>AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they

>>are. You decide to have lunch.

>>

>>A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you

>>have

>>five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count

>>them

>>again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another

>>bottle of vodka.

>>

>>A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You

>>charge the owners for storing them.

>>

>>A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking

>>them.

>>You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity,

>>and

>>arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

>>

>>AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

>>

>>A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

>>

>>IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them

>>that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of

>>you

>>and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you

>>are

>>part of a Democracy....

>>

>>WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very

>>attractive.

>>

>>AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.

>>You

>>close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate