HOW TO SING THE BLUES:

1. Most Blues begin “woke up this morning.”

2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in right away:
I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.
I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.
I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.
She got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500 pounds.

4. The Blues are not about limitless choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars are Chevies, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Other acceptable Blues transportation modes include Greyhound buses and southbound trains. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.

6. Adults sing the Blues. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. In the Blues, "adulthood" means old enough to get the electric chair when you shoot that man in Memphis.

7. You can have the Blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont, Tucson, or North Dakota are just depression. The best places to have the Blues are still Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg while skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg when your broken-down pickup truck rolled over on it is.

9. The following colors do not belong in the Blues: violet, beige, mauve (unless you’re truly desperate for a rhyme).

9. You can’t have the Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is just plain wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places t

I-AMSTERDAM
so one week ago today, 5 good lookin guys threw themselves together at short notice, not really knowing eachother, unto a quest to find
the golden shroom (of doom)
we flew in to adam handy enough, after a toss of a coin in the local metropolitan-railway station we concluded a conflict of interests decidin to take the train, which amusingly enough ws a double train a double train thats right i said a double train a double train a double train, we were to head for hoofdorf (ha horses have hooves!) but malheureusment we got on the wrong train and ended up in a-dam. bobs hostel ws only down the road, but michael decided we'd take the scenic rout and go over four of the beautiful canals, stopping to ponder a change of venue outside the christian youth hostel, eh hardly, so we found bobs got set up, and straight for an espresso and some oregano in the local coffee establishment. that evening whilst strolling leisurely through the district predominantly luminated red, we happened/peeped upon a show of sorts, whilst asking a friendly doorman for a lavatory, one might call it an exotic peep show, say no more...the boys approached the homosexual cinema but defected at the last minute, it ws double penetration night...cancelled due to a floppy penis aparently...we then walked to the local walk to wok, i mean wok to walk, for their fine selection of noodles, and eh noodles?? back to bobs to smoke our cigars where a friendly foreigner foolishly said please whilst handing us back our mobile flint unit(lighter), well it ws hil-a-r-i-o-u-s at the time. next day we also frequented the local hash and weed museum, followed by the sexmuseum, no free samples. luckily a friendly supermarket-tender reccomended a packet of medicinal mushrooms, apparently of egyptian decent (or mexican?)and deemed them fit our consumtion, and went well with the sandwiches at the local picnic park. strangely enough the letters from the map that say amsterdam actually exist, in large novelty font,metal, red and white format. back to the hq where the lads stopped over in the local coffeeshop, while neil and mick got a sudden urge, although quite light-headed (we skipped home from the park...fast)to frequent the local taxi bike service. at this juncture it has to be noted that neil and michael have adopted a more southern accent than most; namely that of the aboriginees, or their more modern counterparts, the lucky citizens of summer bay, ie hey luke hows the club, the surf club, the diner, shark in the water next to the shack and so on. meanwhile in the bat cave, keelan ws under the impression that the couch ws trying to grab him, while kev thought the same couch was indeed trying to bite him, with its massive teeth??? in the batmobile neil and mick were soaring through the streets, and that was before they had started moving, TAXI BIKE, BIKE THATS A TAXI....TAXI, THATS A BOIKE! whilst on their travels the had many narrow misses, crashed into another taxi bike, screamed, shouted, threw some rice...general good banter, and they weren't even driving the fuckin thing, the taxi bike dude was!
and so the faboulous fivesome retreated to the batcave, after stocking up on oregano in the local dealership, it was to be mainly a self catering holiday, so much herbs would be needed for the cooking ahead. for safety, we packed them in our shampoo bottles, lest the greedy, cooking-herb-less border gaurds get their hands on it, and cook their dinners with it.
up early the next morning and off to platform 9 and three quarters for the hogwarts express, it was the start of a wild and magical adventure.

POPULAR SAYINGS
i-amsterdam
anything summer bay related ie
"sheila i can see ur bloody shrimp!")
taxi bike: bike thats a taxi, taxi thats a bike!

so i went to the war for two weeks there, got the crew cut a la gi jane, so i now resemble a rattish shadow of my former self! war ws great loadsa food and we actually did stuff! made friends wit one of d bouncers in trooms, always a good thing to have! bit of a triathlone buzz on there yesterday and last nite, me takin part in the trifest.... dot com! so the empire played in the very first music gig in the athlone castle, twas pretty cool like, dacent crowd, loadsa shiny things (lights) and loud things(speakers) and cool people(us)ha! ended up not playin durin the day thou, due to eh a racoon problem? yes those pesky brattish animals! ws in gal yesterday for cars bday but ended up leavin to go to d trifest buzz, even thou i told here i wud cancel even on the day! spose thres no talkin to that one really! oh got meself a new guitar too! an avalon, tis grand, and bout a bizillion yoyos cheaper than the one i ws gonna get instead! headin for finland now a week from today, but not after seans sat nite, hopefully wit caroline and ronan?? bit of a christenin goin on sat evenin to b played at too so ders a good bit happenin! headin for the equivelant of the famine coffin ships tomoro, yes thats right, lisdoon, to eh chill out? nothin much else to do there really! thank god for me lappie and free braodband! gona be outta der by fri mornin hopefully! never know, der might even be a bit of surfin to be done down there! havta get the feckn bus down and up! and ill b bringin d surf board home an all! we'll havta c how that one works out, or mayb doesnt work out at all?? in any case, some craic will be had, mayb some rice will be thrown, who feckn knows these days??