1.If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
2.There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
3.Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
4.Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
5Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
6.There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
7.Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
8.Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
9.There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
10.When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
11.Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
12.Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
13.The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
14.Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
15.The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
16.The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
17.Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
18.Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
19.A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
20.Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
21.Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
22.Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
23.When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
24.Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
25.For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
26.On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
27.Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
28.If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
29.Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
30.Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
31.Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
32.Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
33.Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
34.Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
35.There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
36.Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
37.Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
38.Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
39.There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
40.If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
41.Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
42.Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.
43.Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
44.Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surp

I found this in the accident report from richard hammonds crash and this along with my flashbox proves ben collins is the stig..............................
 .....


Visit by Ben Collins (BC) to PTLE
37. The preliminary arrangements for the event had been made at arm’s length, with the result that, as the date of the Elvington shoot approached, no-one from Top Gear had actually met PTLE’s principals or seen their jet cars. The jet car feature was considered to be sufficiently unusual and hazardous for GW to ask BC, who worked closely with Top Gear as a high performance driver and consultant, to go and see PTLE and Vampire, and to prepare a briefing for RH. It was felt that, with his extensive motor sport experience, he would be able to confirm PTLE’s competence and the quality of their equipment, and be able to see through them if they were not genuine. (This was a significant step because Top Gear had not used BC in this way before.)
38. BC visited PTLE’s premises near Northampton on Monday 18th June. He seems to have been convinced of their bona fides. He telephoned PD to confirm his conclusions and prepared a briefing paper that he e-mailed to GW. This described Vampire’s controls and tried to prepare RH for the experience of driving the jet car.

To unlock him you have to run your finger down his face, and if he was getting devorced from Paul McCarthy, he would keep his stupid, whining mouth shut.”
He knows 2 facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong, and that he once, accidently, introduced the queen to a greek racialist.” (thanks Josh E)
If you lick his chest, It tastes the exact same as Piccalilli, and at the brit awards he was arrested for goosing Russal Brand.”
He gets terrible eczema on his helmet and that if he'd been the video ref in the world cup rugby final he would of seen that,,, of course it was a try you blind Australian halfwit.”
That he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the cash for honours scandal.”
Raw meat is the Stig's favorite food.”
He is terrified of bats.”
His skin has the texture of dolphins.”
If you tune your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts.”
He does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down.” (a reference to the The Matrix).
He once punched a horse to the ground.”
His politics are terrifying.”
His favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant.”
He isn't machine washable, and that all his potted plants are called steve.”
He has no understanding of clouds.”
His earwax tastes like Turkish Delight.”
He can accumbularate.”
There's an airport in Russia named after him.”
His tears are adhesive.”
If set alight, he'd burn for a thousand days.”
He is scared of ducks.”
the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring”
he has a digital face, and if he wanted to, he could fire Alan Sugar...”
his crash helmet is modeled on Britney Spear's head.”
he sucks the moisture from ducks.”
he is allgergic to the dutch.”
he never blinks.”
he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.”
he is wanted by the CIA.”
he sleeps upside down like a bat.”
he appears on high value stamps in Sweden.”
he can catch fish with his tongue.”
he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.”
he has breath that smells of magnesium.”
he is scared of bells.”
he naturally faces magnetic north.”
he has hydraulic legs.”
he lives in a tree.”
his sweat can be used to clean precious metals.”
his heart ticks like a watch.”
he is confused by stairs.”
his voice can only be heard by cats.”
he has 2 sets of knees.”
he once through a microwave oven at a tramp, and that long before anyone else he realised that Jade Goodie was, A racist pig faced waste of blood and Organs!"

All we know is, he's called The Stig


”Some say...

that he is a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese.

All we know is, that he's not the Stig. He's the Stig's American cousin.”


”Some say...

that he has seen the LionKing 1780 times and that his second best friend is a cape Buffalo.

All we know is, that he's not the Stig. He's the Stig's African cousin.”