Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.


1) TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't have a f*cking clue, do you?


2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking power-crazy b*tch.


3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?


4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: F*ck off a*se-wipe.


5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: Well f*ck me backwards with a telegraph pole.


6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a f*ck.


7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: Not my f*cking problem, mate.


TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?


9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
INSTEAD OF: No f*cking chance mate.


10) TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.
NSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that yesterday?


11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his f*cking a*se.


12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Oi, f*ck face.


13) TRY SAYING: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.
INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs f*cking holidays anyway.


Thank You,
Human Resources

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.


1) TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't have a f*cking clue, do you?


2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking power-crazy b*tch.


3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?


4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: F*ck off a*se-wipe.


5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: Well f*ck me backwards with a telegraph pole.


6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a f*ck.


7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: Not my f*cking problem, mate.


TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?


9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
INSTEAD OF: No f*cking chance mate.


10) TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.
NSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that yesterday?


11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his f*cking a*se.


12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Oi, f*ck face.


13) TRY SAYING: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.
INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs f*cking holidays anyway.


Thank You,
Human Resources

Alcohol Consumption warning !!

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like a wanker.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell the same boring story over and over again until
your friends want to smash your face in.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at 4 in the morning.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think
you can logically converse with other members of the
opposite sex without spitting.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to
roll over in the morning and see something really
scary (whose name, and/or species you can't
remember).

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause
of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic
signs and cones appearing in your home.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe you are invisible.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think
you possess mystical Kung-Fu powers.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that people are laughing with you.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx
in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and
sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause
pregnancy