"Vincent move on with your life! I have" says John to a greenfly

"I can touch?" we're still unsure wat the waiter was referin to :S

"The sooner we leave, the sooner we get home, have a quick rest and have to get moving again!" says me at the end of a long trek across Rome

"He looks like a Tom."
"No, a William."
"Tom Williamson?"
"Maybe a Rosemary..."
"Is it a girl?"
*looks*
"So Skelator Hymen is its name." This conversatiion took place between us and a couple from Finland. they were epic!

"Ha ha, you have to sleep in my crack tonight." says me to steven.

"Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod" john whispers in my ear while sleeping

"I´m too tired to even fart" states John

"I don´t give a fuck about birds" says me about the birds eating my spaghetti in venice

"Get on the bed, we´re gonna play" John tells steven one night in venice

"You guys take it up the wrong way"

"I don´t care for black kids" john lets us c his racist side

"Bulbasaur just fell out of your ass" steven says to me in venice

"For a woman to go bald, it must be like getting raped every day" John wonders

"I had an erection today!" John shouts excitedly

"Get back to the hostel before I kill you!" john recieves dis txt from me one drunken night in vienna

"I´m going to wither up and die, like an old breast"

"Remember Mowgli? He was a cunt."

"Hitler can have my body" i announce one night in poland

"Hitler isn´t still alive is he?!" john asks before a visit to auschwitz

"I´m gonna break every leg in your body!"

"Quiet, lesbian!" John tries to shut me up

"He was eyeing you up like a pork chop" john says to me referin to a pervy guy on a train

"Don´t touch me! Why can´t you understand this stupid concept, you stupid man!" I shout at John and Steven one drunken night in poland

"12 hours on a train to look at a fucking giraffe. I fucking hate giraffes." john gets annoyed at the zoo

"I´d hate to be shagged by a rhino. It´d probably hurt."

"I can´t have a shower, my face will fall off!" john is scared to shower in germany

Fucking Italian cunts, go off and eat some bolognase" john expresses his distate for italians

"If you see something in the shower that looks like shampoo, it´s not."

"You silly moo cow."

"BACON!" john really wants his bacon

"When i go home, I´m going to listen to something really heavy."
"Like a hippo?"

"If that canal wasn´t full of penis eating fish, I´d jump in."

"It´s like Disney. At least it would be if Disney was into that kind of thing."

"Don´t rape the wax figures!"

"hey look! Bright colours!!" i get excited in paris

"You want some jiggy jiggy boom boom?" street sellers ask me and steven

"Look at the size of that bitches candy floss!" i yell as i see a six year old walk by wit a huge candyfloss

"My feet look like jesus....." i state walking bak to hotel in paris

"I´m feeling wet stuff but it´s not rain..." i wonder wats falling outta the parisien sky

"You're my flaky princess" john thinks my sunburn is funny

"Puppies are not prostitutes!"

"The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!"

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You canbe President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth..

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just
too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes

Question: What is the difference between men and puppies?
Answer: Puppies grow up.


Question: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...


Question: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Lay them properly once and you can walk all over them
forever.


Question: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one
would hit the ground first?
Answer: Who cares?????


Question: What did God say after he created man?
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.


Question: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.


Question: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
Answer: i) no mind ii) no business


Question: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Answer:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.

Question: What is the difference between men and pigs?
Answer: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...


Question: What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
intention of driving.

Question: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
Answer: Exchange him!!


Question: Why do men like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.