FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reasons you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you saying "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste shit."

FAKE FRIENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out

FAKE FRIENDS: when you've done something embarrassing will lie to make you feel better.
REAL FRIENDS: will laugh till they have tears in their eyes and never let you forget it.

FAKE FRIENDS: have never had a fight with you.
REAL FRIENDS: have used the threat "you're not my best friend anymore" at least once.

FAKE FRIENDS: will give you advice when you ask them to.
REAL FRIENDS: won't wait for you to ask for advice and will say shut the fuck up if you try to interrupt.

FAKE FRIENDS: never mock you.
REAL FRIENDS: have called you a knob or a homo at least 5 times a week since beginning college.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will read this.
REAL FRIENDS: Will steal this, just like I did