HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

A welsh rugby fan, an Irish rugby fan and an English rugby fan r all in saudi Arabia sharing a smuggled crate of booze when all of a sudden Saudi police rush in n arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabi, so for the terrrible crime of actually being caught consuming booze, they r all sentenced 2 death!

However, after many months n with the help of very good lawyers, they r able 2 successfully appeal their sentences down 2 life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, n the extremely benevolent sheikh decided they could b released after recieving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, n she has asked me 2 allow each of u 1 wish before ur whipping."

The Welsh fan was 1st in line, he thought for a while n then said: "Please tie a pillow 2 my back." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went right through. When the punishment was done he had 2 b carried away bleeding n crying with pain.

The Englishman was next up. After watching the Welshman in horror he said smuggly: Please fix 2 pillows 2 my back." But even 2 pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Englishman was soon led away wimpering loudly (as they do).

The Irishman was the last 1 up, but before he could say anything, the sheikh turned 2 him n said: "You r from a most beautiful part of the world n ur culture is 1 of the finest in the world. For this, u may have 2 wishes!"

"Thankyou, your Most Royal n Merciful Highness"' The Irishman replied. "In recognition of ur kindness, my 1st wish is that u give me not 20, but 100 lashes".

"Not only r u an honourable, handsome n powerful man, u r also very bravee". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is wat u desire, the so b it. And ur 2nd wish, wat is that 2 b?" The Sheikh asked.

"Tie the Englishman 2 my back".

This is a transcript of an actual cyber sex session. As all of you are
well aware, online computers are often used to engage in cybersex.
Detailed fantasies are typed into the computer to be instantly transmitted
over the Internet. Sometimes these harmless fantasies become
fairly raunchy. This is not the case with the following transcript
of an
actual on-line cybersex session. Either this guy is clueless or has the
greatest
sense of humour known to mankind.


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black
leather miniskirt and high heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I
workout everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a
pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old
T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of
funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the
stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm
smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your
huge swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are
trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly
off.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk
slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing
and pulling.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in
your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my
soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's
stuck. Do you have scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my
back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my
breasts, nipples are erekt for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and
inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your
tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
breasts.They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm
nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit
and phlegm.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the
remain of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing
it in the corner of the room.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your
hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all
over, in and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for
a cup. Where do you keep your cups??

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.

Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the
cabinet. And n