Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for its heartwarming and inspiring tales of Mr. T overcoming his fear of flying, and his battle with gold-addiction--as well the sweet tutorial on how to install machine-gun turrets on top of a GMC van using a welding torch, a 55-gallon drum, chicken wire, and skim milk.

Mr. T was the first man to successfully pity 1 billion Fools at once. The second (and only other) man to ever accomplish this feat was a Mr. Edward Loring of Detroit, MI. His head violently imploded moments afterward.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear

Mr. T can count past infinity

One day, during a dispute over a shuffleboard game, Vin Diesel decided to rape Chuck Norris. After 2 months, a disgraced and desperate Norris roundhouse kicked himself in the uterus. So fearsome was this kick that it catapulted the fetus 30 years back in time. Mr. T is the result of this unholy process.

Mr. T does not buy chains from jewery stores, jewelry stores by from Mr. T.

''Pitying the fool" usually means to beat someone up. Unless it's an intellectual sort of pitying, in which case it's like the normal kind. Either way, Mr. T has pitied many, many fools in his life.

Mr. T drinks Sunny D. He calls it Sunny T though.

Mr T's diet consists entirely of Spam and washed-up child actors. He actually recieved a court order to remove Macauly Culkin from his lower intestine so he could testify at the Michael Jackson trial.

Mr. T is the 20th version of a super-structured one-man army. Unfortunately, Mr. U was destroyed upon creation by his predecessor. The controversal anti-army-invasion program was scrapped by Congress the following month.

Not only can Mr. T drink a gallon of milk in under one minute, he can also drink a gallon a molten lead.

Mr. T has only made one prediction in his life: Pain. He was 100% accurate.

During WWII, a nazi shot at Mr. T with a bazooka. He caught the rocket in his mouth, began to chew it, and then blew a huge bubble that eventually popped all over his face. He then started a bubblegum company called "Bazooka T", but his idea was stolen by some guy named Joe.

Mr. T can mix iced tea so strong, it allows you to see through time.

Mr. T is the greatest welder/fabricator in the whole world. In almost every episode of The A-Team he uses an oxy-acetelyne rosebud torch to weld 1/2 inch steel. Normally this is nearly impossible but the steel is so afraid that it huddles together under his intense glare.

Just as Superman's only weakness is kryptonite, Mr. T's only weakness is gold chains. He just wears them to remind Superman who's boss.

Einstein's original formula read Mr^T = E = mc^2. He didn't understand the first part so he omitted it. When Mr. T found about this, he pitied Einstein so hard it inspired him to invent the nuclear bomb.

Mr. T defeated cancer by pitying it into submission. Consequently the first mohawked antibodies were discovered by doctors, but are too helluva tough to be injected into mortals.

Moses did not part the Red Sea. Mr. T farted while patrolling for fools on the opposite shore.

Mr. T invented mathmatics to record how many fools he's pitied.

Contrary to popular belief, Sunny Bono did not ski into a tree but instead skied into Mr. T's thigh.

Mr. T got all of his golden jewelry from defeating Misters A through S in hand-to-hand combat and collecting it off of their dead remains. Kinda like that movie "The One", only except there's a lot less jibba jabba and fewer fools.

If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.

Mr. T is so awesome that he managed to convince God to retire. Mr. T is now having his forms validated. He should be taking over as God by next Summe