twin cam prayer

Our Father who doesn’t recognise any other car.
Twincam be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Tyres will be done.
On Earth as it is in Japan.
Give us This Day on Irishcoupes.
And praise our Burnouts.
As we forgive those who repent against us.
and lead us not into trouble.
But deliver us from underground.
For thine is the janspeed,the superlites and the cibies.
forever and ever.
Amen

1.I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2.Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4.Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5.Are You Andy or Barney?

6.I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7.You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8.Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

9.Do YOU know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

10.I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

11.When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

12."I bet you only became a cop so you could carry a gun to compensate for having a small penis!" That would lead to a wood shampoo in no time!

13."Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in."

14."I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer."

15."I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead."

16."Bad cop! No donut!"

17."You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?"

18."Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence."

19."Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?"

20."Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand."

21."Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at Mac Donald's?"

22."I pay your salary!"

23."So, uh, you on the take, or what?"

24."What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist."

25."Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control."

26."Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!"

27."Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?"

28.“Dude is this gonna take long cos your Wife's kinda expecting me”

29.“I swear to drunk I'm not God, Occifer.”

30."Is that a nightstick or are you just happy to see me?"

31.Dude- I know my rights- I read all about how to get out of tickets online!

32.Cop: Are you carrying any firearms in your vehicle?
Me: What do you need?

33.I know the limit's 50km per hour, but I wasn't going to be out that long.

34."Obviously not fast enough."

35."Dude, I am so wasted."

36."Routine check, huh? Well, as long as you're checking things, why don't you take a look under the hood? The car was making noises when I hit 140."

37.No sir. That's a 50 pound bale of Oregeno.

38.Cop: "Licence and Registration..."
Me: "RRAAWWWRRR!!! I'M THE COOKIE MONSTER!!"

39.Cop: Do you have a license?
Cheech: Uhhh, Isn't it on the front bumper?

40.Cop: "License and registr--"
You (interrupting): "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! How d'you like them apples, you big fat blue prick? Hurry up with the ticket Shakespeareferbrains, I'm in a hurry to go give your wife the sexual gratification you can't give her. I'll take the ticket amount out of what she pays me. After that I'm gonna deflower your daughter--if you haven't done it already you fat Frost-ing pervert."

41."i liked you in the police academy movies."

42.“So how gay are the Village People?”

43.Him: Alright buddy, where's the fire?
You: In your wife's panties

44."Hey, do you mind turning that siren off? There's a cop looking for me, and I'm stoned out of my mind."

45."Occifer, I'm almost drunk enough to sleep with you. Grab me that beer in my back seat and I'll forget how ugly you are."

46.Cop: Do you have any idea just how fast you were going sir ?
Me: [speaking into microphone] Let the record show that the officer ha... continued

yo mama jokes
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"

Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!

Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.

Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.

Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry
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