Teacher: "If i gave you two rabbits, and another two and another two, how many will you have?"
Johnny: "Seven, Sir"
Teacher: "No, listen carefully. If i gave you two rabbits, and another two and another two, how many will you have?"
Johnny: "Seven"
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If i gave you two apples, and another two and another two, how many will you have?"
Johnny: "Six"
Teacher: "Good. Now if i gave you two rabbits, and another two rabbits and another two rabbits how many will you have?"
Johnny: "Seven"
Teacher: "Where the fuck do you get seven from???!!!!"
Johnny: "Because i fucking have one at home!"
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Doctor went fishing one afternoon and not wanting to close his clinic left his assisstant 'murphy' in charge. Doctor came back and asked murphy "How did you get on?"
Murphy says "i had three patients, first had a headache so i gave her paracetamol"
"Good man" says doctor.
"Second had indigestion so i gave her gaviscon"
"Well done." says doctor
"Third was a gorgeous curvy woman who burst into the room, took off all her clothes and lies on the table, spreads her legs and shouts 'Please,Please help me i haven't seen a man in five years!' "
"Mother of fuck, murphy! What did you do? asks the doctor.
...
"i put drops in her eyes!!"
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Donald Duck goes on a dirty weekend and forgets his durex.
He calls down to reception and asks for a pack of three.
The reception says "should i put them on your bill?"
Donald says "dont be so fuckin stupid i'll suffocate!"
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Hippy on the bus sees a nun and asks her to have sex, nun says shes married to god and gets off bus.
Bus driver says "if you want to have sex with her she goes to graveyard everynight at 12, just dress up as God"
... Hippy goes to the graveyard dressed as God sees nun and says "i'm God i want sex"
Nun says "ok" but asks for anal as she wants to keep her virginity.
So they go ahead, and when they finished hippy says "aha im the hippy!"
nun replys "aha im the bus driver!"
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Finally the five answers we've all been waiting for!!!!!!!!

Q. What are the small bumps round a womans nipple for?
A. It's braille for suck here

Q. What's an Austrailian kiss?
A. It's the same as a French kiss but down under

Q. Why are hurricanes named after women?
A. Because when they come there wet and wild. But when they go they take your cars and houses with them.

Q. Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?
A. Because they dont have any balls to scratch.

Q. What's a mans ultimate embarassment?
A. Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose
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To make it stand,
You wet it,
To make it wet,
You suck it,
To make it stiff,
You lick it,
To get it in,
You push!
Fuck me threading a needle when you get older is NO JOKE!
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Are you scared of creepy creatures? * Some
Are you scared of cockroaches? * Yeh
Do you get scared in the dark? * Yeh
What is your favorite day of the week? * Saturday
Your dream car? * Subaru Impreza
Your dream holiday? *New York at christmas
In your next birth, you would love to be? * A Wolf Or A Tiger
In your past birth, you must have been? * Something wild
Your favorite pizza topping is? Hawaiin
How many kids do you want to have? * 2
Last TV channel you watched? * Disney
What are you wearing right now? * Jeans, striped jumper and pink top
What do you wear at night in bed? * Pjs
Your favorite toy in childhood? * Brown Baby
How many teeth do you have? * 25 and a half
When did you last visit the dentist? * August '09 i think
Which toothpaste do you use? * Colgate Total
Your preferred toilet paper brand? Charmin
Three things you can't live without? * Food * Air * Juice
If you had one person to take with you on a deserted island, it would be? * Nichole - laugh for hours
Your dream celebrity date? Nicky Byrne
Do you believe in aliens? * Of Course
Do you believe in ghosts and such? * Yes
Favorite cocktail? * Not sure
Favorite fruit? * Strawberry
Favorite flower? * Scottish Thistle
Have you puked at a party? * No
You would love to get a tattoo done on your? * I Dont Want One
Have you pretended to be sick to avoid someone or some meeting? * Yes
Do you cry easily? * No
Do you swear a lot? No I Dont Need Too
Favorite body part in the opposite sex? * Bums
Corniest pickup line used by you on someone? * neva had to
Corniest pickup line someone used on you? * I Had To Get I.d one time like you
Have you ever been caught in an embarrassing situation by your parents? * Not Yet
The food you hate to eat? * Brussel Sprouts
Your favorite breakfast cereal? * Coco Pops
Do you have any pets? * No
Which is your favorite holiday? * Summer
Have you ever been drunk out of your mind? * Not Yet
Ever been in a car accident? * No
The boy band you secretly listen to? * Backstreet Boys
The body part you would love to get pierced? * Ears
When did you last diet to lose weight? * Never done it
What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up? * Go to the toilet
Do you read newspapers or books in the toilet? * No
Are you in love with someone these days? * Yes
Would you date a hottie who is totally dumb? * Yes
Has anyone slapped you on the face? * No
What is the color of the underwear you are wearing? * white with me to you bears on it
Which is your favorite underwear brand? * Boxers
What is your favorite denim brand? * New Looks Skinny Jeans
If you could afford a fashion designer, it would be? * Dont Want One
Your first cell phone was? * Something To Do With BT
Do you prefer to text or talk on the phone? * Txt
Are you a sensitive person? * Yes
Would you go for a one night stand? * NO!
The romantic movie you like most? * Dont Have One
The action movie you like most? * Transformers
Do you believe in heaven and hell? * Yes
Which is your most memorable trip with friends? * Goin On The Rocks And Gettin Stranded For A Bit ... Neva Stopped Us Goin On Again
Which newspaper do you read daily? * Scottish Daily Express
The magazines you like to read? * None really
Your first job was? * Superdrug
Did you have a best friend in school? * Yes
Which email service do you use most? * Msn
Have you ever walked to save money? * Yes
Where do you shop for clothes? * New Look
What was your pocket money as a kid? * £2
Can you talk to someone for long hours on the phone? * Yes
Do you like taking stupid surveys like these? * Yes
If yes, do you have too much free time? * Yes
One memory you wish you could erase? * Being Bullied
Any sport, you are really good at? * Football
In your purse, you keep a photo of? * Noone
Do you take any medicine daily? * No
Have you ever lied about your age? * Yes
The last person you kissed was? * Mum
The last country you visited? * Germany
Do you need music while you