It's strange how everything seems shit then all of a sudden it's great. How does that happen? Someone must be playing tricks somewhere. Can someone's luck really change so quickly with no warning?
Having said that, the bitches are still going. Not at me, although I am still being accused of being involved when in actual fact I have been snuggled up at home with my babies and had been for several days. Idiots. They really don't grow up. You would think that these silly games would stop when they left school but apparently not. What makes it worse is that there are kids involved and they still don't care. Having said that, they openly admit they don't care so why am I still shocked?
I'm trying to make sense of a lot of things that there is no sense behind to start with but still I keep trying. It's like a form of self-torture as I can't stop myself despite knowing that it is pointless.
Why do we have to rationalise everything all the time? Why does everything have to make sense for us to get on wth things? Can't we just accept that things are they way they are and move on to the next mind fuck? Apparently not, for me anyway.
I always make things harder than they actually need to be.I have grown up being told that and always argued that it was crap but now looking back I know it is true. I see others that I care about doing it too and it worries me. I know how hard I made it for myself, they don't need to do that. To go through all the shit I have went through to get where I am. It hasn't been easy yet still it happens every day.
Christ, I;m not even pregnant and I am still rambling like a twat! I must have spent so much of the past 6 years pregnant that my body/hormones are getting confused lol. I know I am lol.
Oh well, screw it. I'm happy if not confused and pissed off at my constant self-torture.
F**k it, I'm off to bed. Night night lol!

I know it's the fourth time round I should be used to it by now but fuck it I'm still stressed out and need to vent and poor Alastair has had enough crap of me recently to last a hundred lifetimes over. Everything has been perfectly normal apart from the aches and pains which have been more increased due to the quick succession of pregnancies that I have had but in general normal. I have been constantly told that I wouldn't see my due date (7th Feb) as my body probably wouldn't be able to hold out that long but still I take it as it comes. Then during a normal midwife appointment she decides to send me out to the hospital because she thinks I might be in labour despite my protests that it is just Braxton Hicks (false labour/contractions). Still I go get Alastair from work and head out to the hospital, wait 3 hours only to be sent home being told exactly what I had said from the start. But still, I don't complain. Then today I get up about 6:30am with Al and the kids and feel a bit off. I just put it down to the mass amount of hours I have slept in the last couple of days. Alastair left for work and as if on cue, the kids started acting up as soon as they heard the door lock behind him. Running about screaming and totally ignoring me of course despite the fact that my sis and her boyfriend were still in their bed sleeping. Rebecca started first and because she started, Connor started and because they had both started, Cara decided that it would be fun to start too. Needless to say the stress that I felt then was overwhelming. I kept getting contractions but didn't think much of it as it is a common occurrence at this stage. So I got the kids ready, realised that I couldn't find Connor's coat so left him and Cara in the house with my sis and took Becky to school. All the while I'm still getting my contractions. It was after I dropped her off that I started timing them as they had now been going on pretty regular for about 2-2 and a half hours. I realised that they were coming every 13-15mins. Still I went into the galleon to get a cuppa and something to eat. I had already cleared it with my sis and she agreed that I need an hours peace away from the kids. So in I went and almost immediately I bumped into Al. He told me to go have my tea and relax (which I already had every intention of doing anyway but hey, it's good to get permission lol). I went in and ordered my tea and roll and sat down with my book. As I was sitting, I continued to get contractions and after more monitoring of times I realised that they were now sitting at every 10mins. I saw Al again and told him but still wasn't too worried. That is until they intensified in pain so much that I actually ended up sitting there in tears! How mortifying is that! I ordered a roll for Kim and decided to head home and phone the midwife just to be on the safe side. They felt completely different to my Braxton Hicks by this point so I was starting to worry a little. I got the roll and started heading up the corridor only to be hit by yet another contraction. Another contraction = more tears. Once it had passed I started walking again ( if you can call it that, even a snail would have moved quicker) only to get the fright of my life with Alastair coming up behind me. Here is the shocking part though. Alastair took one look at me and said that he was going to get me round the road, ie, he was actually going to LEAVE work! Albeit for a few mins or so but still this is Alastair lol. He had to go into admin/duty manager's office to clear it though so I waited behind reception for him. Yet again, hit with another contraction. Another contraction = even more tears. A couple of lovely members of staff came up to me and asked if I was ok and refused to leave me until Alastair got back. Unfortunately that just made me cry even more. All I could think was "What kind of tit cries in the middle of the Galleon Centre?". Luckily Alastair arrived pretty quickly after that and we headed round th

Why is it nothing is straight forward? First the housing try to screw me out of money again by constantly claiming to not have received everything they need when in actual fact they have it all at least once if not 2 or 3 times over! Then when they finally agree to pay they decide that instead of backdating it to the 1st of Dec like they were supposed to, they are only going to backdate it to the 21st. You know the reason they gave? Where it asks about backdating, it asks you for a reason. I gave a very valid reason but because I didn't use the word "backdate" (bear in mind that this is the section for backdating money) they won't accept it. SO now I have to write them a letter asking them to backdate to the 1st. Oh but it gets better. Also, instead of paying the rent for the 1st of the month, they are going to pay it half way through which leaves me half a month in arrears! That is what the bloody thing is there for, to STOP you getting into arrears but no... the cfounicil can't actually do what it is supposed to can it? Fuck 'em that's what I say.