Mr Cadbury met Ms Rowntree on a double Decker after eight.Polo,I'm the one with the hole she said.I'm the one with the nuts,he said!.She was from Quality St;he was a fisherman's friend.
They stopped at a Yorkie bar,he had rum and butter,she had a wine gum.They went to the bedroom and he touched her milky way.Mr Cadbury turned out the light for some black magic.
It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her snickers and felt her cream egg.He fondled her flap jacks and got out his curly wurly and tic tacs.
Ms Rowntree didn't want any jelly babies,so he took a trip down Bourneville Boulevard.He was pleased as he always fancied some fudge.It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish delight.When he pulled out, his fun size mars bar felt a bit crunchy.
He seen her pink wafers so he did a twirl,had a picnic in her sherbet and gave her a gob stopper!
Mr Cadbury then went home to his wife caramel.He discovered he had VD
Ms Rowntree was with all sorts!

The Beer Scooter
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking
and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot
piece together your return journey from the pub to your house. The answer
to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.


The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the
drunk by Bacchus the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch
of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following
fashion:-

The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer
Scooter.

The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a
Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of
the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second
questions after a night out, 'How did I spend so much money?'

Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be
responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such
as skinned knees and a sore spot on the top of your head.


An undocumented feature of the Beer Scooter is the destruction of time
segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.

This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add-on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not
necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often lost time is regained in
discussions over a period of time.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the
wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots
are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the
stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity
springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS
(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.

The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the TA
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently
get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.


P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get
home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.