Men's Rules
Women should learn these!
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

6 years ago

1.) How old were you? 14
2.) Where did you go to school? The Joes
3.) Where did you work? didn't
4.) Where did you live? The Boice
5.) Where did you hang out? Westcourt
6.) Did you wear glasses? no
7.) Who was your best friend(s): Branno & Jonny
8.) How many tattoos did you have? none
9.) How many piercings did you have? zilch
10.) What car did you drive? none
11.) Had you been to a real party? nope
12.) Had You had your heart broken? no
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? dunno

3 years ago

1.) How old were you? 17
2.) Where did you go to school? The Joes
3.) Where did you work? Eurospar
5.) Where did you hang out? the steps, The Ledge, Backlanes, Town in general
6.) Did you wear glasses? no
7.) Who were your best friend(s)? Shoe, Branno, John, Andy
8.) How many tattoos did you have? none
9.) How many piercings did you have? Nipple
10.) What car did you drive? nothin!
11.) Had you been to a real party? Hell Yeah... loads by then
12.) Had your heart broken? aye
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Taken

Today

1.) How old are you?: 20
2.) Where do you go to school? DIT Cathal Brugha Street
3.) Where do you work? The Poet's Rest
4.) Where do you live? The Boice/Goatstown
5.) Where do you hang out? everywhere
7.) Who are your best friend(s)? Too Many to list
8.) How many tattoos do you have.? One
9.) How many piercings do you have? two
10.) What car do you drive?none, Choppin it up on my murdercycle though
12.) Had your heart broken? yup
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? single

WHAT WERE YOU DOING...
1 MINUTE AGO: writing this jazz
1 HOUR AGO: Watchin how I met your mother
1 DAY AGO: Playin the lost and damned
1 YEAR AGO: Probably partyin for my birthday
I HATE: A few things
I FEAR: drowning
I FEEL: awake
I HIDE: weed
I MISS: The good ould days
I NEED: to sleep, lots of partyin to do tomorrow
I KNOW: not enough

First piercing: Nipple
First credit card: none, dont trust myself
Last big car ride: Galway
Last food consumed: Chicken roulade
Last CD played: Bon Jovi - Lost Highway
Last drink drank: water

favorites:
NUMBER: 16
COLOR: green
DAY(S): Wednesdays and Saturdays
MONTH(S): February, July
SEASON: summer
DRINK: Wine

IN THE LAST 2 DAYS, HAVE YOU..
CRIED?: no
HELPED SOMEONE?: maybe
GOTTEN SICK?: nope
GONE TO THE MOVIES?: nope
SAID 'I love you'?: nope
TALKED TO AN EX?: yeah
WRITTEN IN A DIARY?:no
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: no

Best

1. Male Friend(s): Mickey, Shoe, Derek, Paul, Josh...
2. Female Friend(s): The girlies from college
3. Best Age: watever
4. Best Memory: Anything with "incident after it" eg the pineapple incident or the tom jones incident

Worst

1. Time Of Day: morning (Waking up)
2. Age: meh
3. Food: Tripe
4. Memory: When my brother electricuted my when i was a wee lad

Last

1. Person you saw: My mother
2. Talk on the phone: Derek
3. Person you kissed: not gonna say
5: Instant Msg: derek

First

1. Kiss: dont know her name
2. Serious b/f or g/f? Joanne
3. Job: Supervalu

Today

1. What are you doing now: chillin in bed
2. Tonight: sleep
3. Wearing: T-shirt and boxers
4. What did you eat for lunch: Crisps

Tomorrow

1. Is: friday
2. Got any plans: Birthday party
3. Goal: Locked in a suit
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: Cleanin my gaf
5. Likes about tomorrow: Locked in a suit