advertisementDuke: What you lookin' at old man?
Walt Kowalski: Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me.

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Walt Kowalski: Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the fuck out of here."

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Walt Kowalski: Jesus, Joseph and Mary. These Hmong broads are like badgers.

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Walt Kowalski: [sneering and aiming his gun] Get off my lawn!

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Thao Vang Lor: Excuse me Sir, I need a haircut if you ain't too busy you old Italian son of a bitch prick barber. Boy, does my ass hurt from all of the guys at my construction job.

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Walt Kowalski: [to Su] Get me another beer, Dragon Lady! This one's running on empty.

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Walt Kowalski: Relax, Zipperhead.

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Barber Martin: There. You finally look like a human being again. You shouldn't wait so long between hair cuts, you cheap son of a bitch.
Walt Kowalski: Yeah. I'm surprised you're still around. I was always hoping you'd die off and they got someone in here that knew what the hell they were doing. Instead, you're just hanging around like the duop dego you are.
Barber Martin: That'll be ten bucks, Walt.
Walt Kowalski: Ten bucks? Jesus Christ, Marty. What are you, half Jew or somethin'? You keep raising the damn prices all the time.
Barber Martin: It's been ten bucks for the last five years, you hard-nosed Polak son of a bitch.
Walt Kowalski: Yeah, well keep the change.
Barber Martin: See you in three weeks, prick.
Walt Kowalski: Not if I see you first, dipshit.

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Youa: You're funny.
Walt Kowalski: I've been called a lot of things, but never funny.

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Walt Kowalski: I once fixed a door that wasn't even broken yet.

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Thao Vang Lor: What was it like to kill someone?
Walt Kowalski: You don't want to know.

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Walt Kowalski: [about Korea] We shot men, stabbed them with bayonets, chopped up 17 year olds with shovels.

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Father Janovich: Why didn't you call the police?
Walt Kowalski: Well you know, I prayed for them to come but nobody answered.

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Walt Kowalski: How many swamp rats can you get in one room?

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Thug: How old are you anyway?
Sue Lor: Mentally, I'm way too old for you.

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Mitch Kowalski: What would I want?
Walt Kowalski: I don't know... Your wife's already gone through all of your mother's jewelry.

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Walt Kowalski: I'll blow a hole in your face then go inside and sleep like a baby.

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Walt Kowalski: I used to stack fucks likes you, five feet high in Korea, use ya for sand bags.

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[Eminem]
You've been patiently waitin to make it through all the hatin
Debatin whether or not you can even weather the storm As you layin' on the table they operatin to save you
It's like an angel came to you sent from the heavens above

They think they crazy but they ain't crazy, let's face it
Shit basically they just playin sick
They ain't shit, they ain't sayin shit, spray em' fifty
A to the K get in the way I'll bring Dre and them wit me
And turn this day into fuckin mayhem, you stayin wit me?
Don't let me lose you, I'm not tryin to confuse you
When I let loose wit this Uzi and just shoot through your Isuzu
You get the message? Am I gettin through to you?
You know what's comin, you motherfuckers don't even know, do you?
Take some Big and some Pac and you mix em' up in a pot
Sprinkle a little BIG L on top, what the fuck do you got?
You got the realest and illest killas tied up in a knot
The juggernauts of this rap shit, like it or not
It's like a fight to the top just to see who'd die for the spot
You put ya life in this, nothin like survivin a shot
Y'all know what time it is, soon as fifty signs on this dot
Shit what you know about death threats, cause I get a lot
Shady Records was eighty seconds away from the towers
Some cowards fucked wit the wrong building, they meant to hit ours
Better evacuate all children in nuclear showers
There's nothin spookier
Ya now about to witness the power of fuckin fifty

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious."
Roland the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and me dad says it will take the contagious."